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I post a lot of jokes because I love laughter. I try to make all I meet a little happier. I get the biggest laughs in bed..
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This has been a tough year. I/m not complaining considering the alternative
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Mens age by a visit to home depot
Friday, June 23, 2017
 . > > You are in the middle of some > kind of project around the house - mowing the lawn, > putting in a new fence, > painting the living room or whatever. You are hot > and sweaty, covered > in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint. You have > your old work clothes > on. You know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in > the crotch, old > T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair > of tennis > shoes.Right in the middle of this great home improvement > project you realize > you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help > complete the > job. > > Depending > on your age you might do the following: >
> In your 20's: > Stop what you are doing. Shave, > take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, > floss and put on clean > clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a > dab of your favorite > cologne because you never know, you just might meet some > hot chick while > standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school > with the pretty girl > running the register. > >
In your 30's: > Stop what you are doing, put on > clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the > hot chick so no need > for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. > Check yourself in > the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your > favorite cologne to > cover the smell. The cute girl running the > register is the kid sister > to someone you went to school with. >
> In your 40's: > Stop what you are doing. > Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the > hole in the crotch of > your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your > hands. Your bottle > of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want > to waste any of it on a > trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror > and do more sucking > in than flexing. The hot young thing running the > register is your > daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is > spicy. >
  > In your 50's: > Stop what you are doing. > Put on a hat, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your > shirt. Change shoes > because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your > new sports car. > Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear > that shirt anymore > because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running > the register smiles > when she sees you coming and you think you still have > it. Then you > remember the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait > & Beer Bar and it > says, 'I Got Worms .' > >
 In your 60's: > Stop what you are doing. No > need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your > shoes. The mirror was > shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope > you have underwear on > so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl > running the register > may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so > you are not sure. > >
> In your 70's: > Stop what you are doing. Wait > to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your > prescriptions ready > to. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your > shoes. The young > thing at the register stares at you and you realize your > balls are hanging > out the hole in your crotch. > >
 In your 80's: > Stop what you are doing. Start > again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go > to Home Depot. Go to > Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what > it is you are > looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone > called out your name. > You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at > the front door. > >
 In your 90's & > beyond: > What's a home deep > hoe? Something for my garden? Where am > I? Who am I? > Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did > you? Who > > farted? > > >
Posted at 5:06pm (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
The young monk
Monday, June 19, 2017

A young monk arrives
> at the monastery.  He is
> assigned to helping the other monks
> in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by
> hand.   He notices, however,
> that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original
> manuscript.So, the new monk
> goes to the Old Abbot to question
> this, pointing out that if someone
> made even a small
> error in the first copy, it would
> never be picked up!
> In fact, that error would be
> continued in all of
> the subsequent
> copies.
> The head monk, says,
> "We have been copying
> from the copies for centuries, but
> you make a
> good point, my
> son."   
> He goes down into
> the dark caves
> underneath the monastery where the
> original
> manuscripts are held as
> archives,
> in a locked vault that
> hasn't
> been opened for hundreds of
> years.
> Hours go by and nobody sees the Old
> Abbot. 
> So, the young monk
> gets worried and goes down to look for
> him.
> He sees him banging his head against
> the wall and wailing. "We missed
> the   R
> !We missed
> the   R
> !!We missed the
> bloody   R
> !!!" His forehead is all
> bloody and bruised and he is crying
> uncontrollably.
> The young monk asks
> the old Abbot, "What's wrong,
> father?" With a choking
> voice, the old Abbot replies, "The word was
> ....
Posted at 7:59am (MST) | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Report Post
An Engineer dies
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
An Engineer dies... and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! “

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him.”

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue.”

"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"

Posted at 9:49am (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
Apple does it again
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
   Apple computer announced today that
> it   has developed a computer chip that can
> store and play stereo music in women's breast
>             implants.
>             The iTit,
> will cost between 9
> and 9, depending on
> speaker size.
>             This is considered to
> be a major breakthrough
>  because women have
>   always complained
>   about men staring at their
> breasts and not listening to them.
Posted at 11:08am (MST) | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Report Post
Robot for sale
Monday, June 12, 2017
> A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps
> people when they lie.
> He decides to test it out at dinner one
> night.
> The father asks his son what he did
> that afternoon.
> The son says, "I did some homework."
> The robot slaps the son.
> The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a
> friend's house watching movies."
> Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
> Son says, "Toy Story."
> The robot slaps the son.
> Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching
> p*rn."
> Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't
> even know what p*rn was."
> The robot slaps the father.
> Mom laughs and says, "Well, he
> certainly is your son."
> The robot slaps the mother.
> Robot for sale.
Posted at 7:53am (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post


Added: Saturday, April 25, 2015 12:59pm
Added: Friday, January 16, 2015 7:17pm
Added: Saturday, January 10, 2015 6:42pm
Added: Wednesday, December 31, 2014 9:28am
Added: Sunday, November 2, 2014 10:41am
Added: Wednesday, October 1, 2014 8:56pm
Added: Tuesday, September 2, 2014 11:28pm
Added: Friday, August 1, 2014 11:56am

Added: Friday, April 25, 2014 6:39am
thanks for the comments and hug on my blog
Added: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 4:35pm
Great Stuff! Bring on some more.
Added: Tuesday, May 14, 2013 4:13pm

Added: Tuesday, May 14, 2013 3:12pm

I'm 64 and my health and quality of life is going to hell in a handbasket, so
rapidly I've almost got to the point of being unable to take care of myself as well as my dog, so that spectre is looming large.

Buena suerte amigo.
Added: Monday, August 20, 2012 4:58pm
Added: Wednesday, April 25, 2012 7:31am
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