(Mike)
Houston, we have a problem!
Only one of these infernal machines is actually playing ball right now & half the stuff we want is on those other ones!

(Oldsoldier)
I'm sending an email to coolblonde since i'm not sure if you've got both accounts up yet. I need to talk with Mike real fast.

(Mike)
OMG!
I'm sitting in McDonalds car park of all places...seems the only place round here with a WiFi connection at the moment& all I got is the tiny little netbook with me & I cant see!
It's all going a bit wrong on the hardware side!
Bear with us...it'll get sorted & normal service WILL be resumed-ish!

I HATE bloody computers!

(Mike)
AhHa!
We're back in business...AND with two working machines!

But, sadly NOT the one that had all the secret word stuff on it...that machine has expired & is showing nothing but the blue screen of death!
Ever tried to source a new computer at nearly midnight in a big city in the UK?
No?
Give it a miss unless you really have to!

Then it has to be configured & back up shit made (how long???!) then almost the entire wireless network goes down, mobile phones, everything.
What sort of service is this?!

Anyway, it's all back up now, so, fingers crossed, there will be no more fuck -up's!
But we can't bring you the secret word competition as we cant access what was written & the hell if we can remember it all now & the photo clues were on the other machine too.
Sorry 'bout that!

So, mission control (UK) is all good again!

(EJ)
Internet explorer has stopped working on the pc Mike is on !! lol

(Mike)
Goddamn Windows IE piece of shit!
That Gates fella needs a right good kicking!
Thank fuck for Firefox...which I've just loaded on this machine now.

(Lolabi2)
Just a KUDOS and THNX for how hard you are working and trying, SMILES>

(MrMoonlight)
You are right... all appears smooth enough out in The Forum, where it counts.

(Mike)
Oh, look, now I'm on the wrong bloody profile!
That pic OS posted sums it all up nicely.
And to think the world relies on these damn things...how the hell does anything get done?!
I just nipped out for half a fag & in the lobby the hotel has computers for guests to use...two have 'out of order' signs on 'em!!

(YoungForever)
Oh shit....I'm trying so hard not to laugh. Isn't it the middle of the night over there........I don't think they give a f***

(Mike)
It is silly o'clock in the morning here YFE...02.13!
And NO ONE gives a fuck around here anymore!!!

(Kiwilicious)
*waves to the frustrated Mike and wanders off to make a cuppa*

(Oldsodier)
Mike are you switching back and forth or are you on Coolblonde for a while? I sent an email to the other account, but I'll copy it and send it to Coolblonde.

(Oldsoldier)
I'm knackered and cant see straight Mike, I'll pass the baton on to you so you and EJ can bring it on home. Kiwi knows what all is going on so its smooth sailing the rest of the way home. gnite mate!

(Mike )
Bastard computer!
The fucking thing went just went haywire & the cursor was dancing everywhere but where I wanted it & then it froze up & although I could start task manager I couldn't click on anything so all I could do was rip the power cord out the back!
And now I cant re connect to this all singing all dancing piece of shit WiFI broadband so am back on my dial up dongle...I could do that sitting at home on a nice comfy sofa with all my shit to hand!

Fuck me!

(Oldsoldier)
OMG thats too damn funny!

These pix kind of sum it all up & kept us laughing when all we wanted to do was cry!

Finally, some might have noticed that EJ went a little quiet in the wee small hours.

So there you go!

Raring to go & want to get started & join us in all the fun of the forums then?

OK, this’ll get you off to a flyer….

To get into the forums, click Forum on the red menu bar that appears on the top of all the pages on here, it’s the second in from the left (3^rd from the left if you’re a VIP member).

The Forum Index page will open with a list of all the forums, their subject matter & the names of their moderators, like this….

Scroll through this list & pick one that takes your fancy or catches your eye, click on it & that forum will open & display a list of the active topics, this is what it looks like…

No personally identifying information. No names, addresses, email addresses, cell phone numbers - nothing that could possibly identify a member. This is to ensure that members choose which other members get their information. If they choose poorly, it's not SexyAds fault!

No Discrimination of any kind, based on the grounds of gender, religion, race, social status, age, etc. will be tolerated.

Spam - Posts that are completely off topic which generally irritate other forum users will be removed. This includes posting the same message in multiple forums, the threads will be merged and the various original posts will be removed, this also includes single-word posts and simple "I agree" posts which serve no purpose at all. The moderator has full discretion in this area.

No Advertising - No selling used panties, no URLs for other websites, no telephone numbers of "professional" men or women & no advertising of personal products or services by one member to others who are not interested. (even if they might be interested, don’t do it in the forums!)

Post in English. While this is an international forum, until we have moderators who can speak many different languages, we're going to stick with English only.

No Disrespect. No posts with the sole intention of offending another members in an inflammatory way.

No impersonation of a member or moderator is acceptable. The posts will be deleted & the nickname reported to staff so it can be removed.

No Begging - of any kind. The post will be deleted and the member reported to staff so their entire membership can be deleted.

No Websites - of any kind.

And of course, no being abusive to other members, & no ‘blood letting’ out in the open forum, forum users are bound to disagree from time to time, we’re only human, after all, but don’t be an ass out there & play nice!

One other thing that, while not against the Site Posting Rules, no moderator will allow in their forums, is what we call Looking Posts, ie: I’m John/Joanna & I live wherever & am looking for whoever in my area for whatever’.

That sort of thing.

That’s what your ad’s are for!

Pretty much everything else is fair game!

If you have a problem or issue, e-mail the forums moderator (you can do this anytime, for free) & they’ll all do their best to get it sorted for you. (but please be patient & remember the different time zones, you might be half way through your day, but it might be stupid o’clock for them!) If they cant resolve whatever it is, or are part of the problem, they’ll pass it to another mod or the SexyAds staff.

Don’t sit & stew about it, we’re all here to help everyone get the maximum benefit & fun out of the forums.

As we’re not all Bill Gates the Computer Freak, I thought I’d post this so those of you who don’t know or have never tried it & want to include pictures in your posts have the steps necessary to pull it off, written in plain English, not computer geekspeak!

Before we go any further, let me tell you that different browsers display SexyAds pages differently &, if your viewing on Firefox a post with multiple images made on Internet Explorer, the spacing can appear terrible & the same the other way around.

Also on different machines, too.

We only discovered this when viewing SexyAds off another computer while showing some people (alright, my mum & dad!) what we do on here…some of our multi image posts looked horrible!

Believe us, when we craft a multi image post, we take great care with the spacing, text layout etc. & on our machine, when it’s done & posted, it looks perfect!

On the same machine, opened with a different browser, the same post can appear all over the place.

It’s just one of those things, I’m afraid!

These instructions are how it seems to work if your using Internet Explorer 8 on Windows Vista.

Firefox instructions are a very similar, any differences are highlighted in the text & it is a little easier with Firefox, but the results are a bit more ‘all over the place’ if being viewed from a different browser.

First off, select your photos….crop ‘em nicely to get rid of any unwanted shit in the background & resize them.

Huh?

They need to be around the 45/50 Kb size (you can find the size of the image by hovering the pointer over the thumbnail, don’t click on it, just hover over it, it’s size will be shown in Kb or Mb…if your image is up in the 100’s of Kb or anywhere in the Mb …..you’ll have to resize it, it’ll never load/be manageable in a post!) to load quickly & be manageable in a forum post, you don’t need any fancy software for this…open your photo in Windows Paint or whatever photo edit package you have on another OS….if your picture is on the large size when opened in Paint…& you’ll be able to tell straight away, (if it’s OK, skip this next bit). Along the top, it’ll say Image, click that & then Resize/Skew in the drop down box thingy.

In the Horizontal & Vertical boxes go for 50 50 to start with to see where you are, you can go Undo in Edit to start again.

The picture of EJ I’m using in here is about 3” x 6” and is 39 Kb in size, so that gives you an idea.

Once the right sort of size, you’ll need your pictures loaded to your forum gallery.

Where the hell’s the forum gallery?!

On the left of the frontpage where you log in is a box with a heart & pencil…it’s the third one down, the red My Account one.

In that box it says Make Changes in blue….click on that.

You’ll get five blue outline boxes come up on the page that opens with different things in them, the right middle box says Add or Delete a photo….click on that.

Your now on My Personal Gallery…no, no….not mine…yours!

Along the top there are five gallery options, the second from the left says Forum Gallery….click that one.

Your now on your forum gallery….click Upload a Photo.

Now you have the Browse button in front of you….click it.

You should now have access to wherever you keep your pictures on your computer….ours are in ‘pictures’, funnily enough!

Open the folder you keep your pictures in…the one I’m using here is in ‘Emma, pictures’….makes sense, I suppose (remember, it’s doubtful you’ll have an ‘Emma, pictures’ folder & if you do, it wont have these pix in it!)

Double click your pic & it’s title will show in the box & Upload will highlight….click that & your photo will indeed upload. This may take a while, depending on the size of your picture, keep them around the 45/50 Kb mark & they load pretty quick.

You’ll get a window with your picture in it telling you it’s successfully uploaded & you can mess around with it a little from here, it’s all pretty self explanatory.

Close the window with the green button & you’ll see your picture in your forum gallery!

If you want to do another pic….just repeat the process.

There’s no limit to how many images you can have on there….we have literally hundreds because of all the tattoo photos & stuff I post in Taboo Topics.

Once your done uploading your photos, come into the forum….& this works in all the forums, by the way….find the topic you want & hit Post a Reply.

There’s two ways of going about it from here.

You can hit the Insert Item icon at the top right of the toolbar…it’s the third one in from the right, not the one with the smiley face…that’ll get you little dancing dicks & fireworks & skipping snoopy’s & all sorts!

Your forum gallery will appear with the pictures in a line of five at the bottom…if you loaded a few & the one you want isn’t there, click More Images on the bottom right & the rest of your pictures will appear in a big box.

You can also insert images from elsewhere from here, straight from your computer, Photobucket etc.

But REMEMBER, these images will not be seen in the post by anyone else until they have been OK’d by the backroom staff, usually within 24 hours.

This also holds true if your using pictures from your forum gallery you have only just loaded in there, they will need approving also, so it’s a good idea to load a lot of stuff to your forum gallery so you can use it whenever, or load today to use tomorrow!

Click on the pic you want & it will magic itself onto the open page…it can take a couple of seconds to do this…don’t go impatiently clicking or you’ll end up with loads of the same pic on there…..right click on the unwanted image/s & Cut will get rid of them if you do this.

If your image isn’t too large there will be space down the side for your text….type away.

If you want the text at the bottom, hit the Enter key ‘till the cursor is below the image…give it a few ‘lines’ of room or when you post, the text will start half way up the side of the image.

If it does this annoying thing when posted....like this hit Edit Post & go back in & space your text a bit!

If you want the text over the top of the pic, you’ll need to hit the Enter key & keep on going ‘till you have a bit of space below the image.

Now hover the cursor over the image, you’ll get the four black arrows in a cluster…left click & drag the image down a bit, but be warned a downward drag moves it more than you think it will, so left click & drag it back up to where you want it….it drags much more controllably going upwards for some reason!

(Internet Explorer only, they drag OK in Firefox).

Now you have the space & can type text over the top of the image

We now have a spellchecker on the text editor, it’s a recent addition!

Before, if you couldn’t spell, the way to do it was to craft your text in a word processing application & copy & paste it in

This is exactly what I’m doing here….knocking this together in ‘Word’ & copying & pasting it onto the open page in Post a Reply.

This is still the best option for a very long, text heavy post, unless you’re a Gold Medal standard typist, by the time everything is typed in & spell checked & your images have been loaded & positioned & you have checked it all again, your SexyAds session may well have timed out & closed & you’ll lose all your hard work!

Once your text is on there, hit the Enter key from the top of the text to give yourself some room to load the image….you don’t have to do this, but it sure makes life easier!

If you want the picture/s to be in the middle of all the writing….. like I just did here….find where you want the pix to go & again hit enter to make room for the pic. Again, you don’t have to do this, you can rescue the jumble of text wrapping itself around the picture, but it’s a lot easier to make some room for it!

When you got the pictures where you want them, close the text up to them, leaving a few ‘lines’ of clear space to avoid the text/image interface fuck up outlined somewhere above!

If your using lots of images in your post, with Internet Explorer, it's a lot easier to insert the last one, first, rather than dragging images over each other, if you don't get the spacing right, a small image can 'disappear' behind a bigger one!

Don’t forget to lose the gap (Backspace key) at the top you made room to load the image to BEFORE you post otherwise there will be a huge gap WHEN it’s posted!

Hit the Post button & Hey Presto, you did it!

If it fucked up, don’t worry, hit Edit Post & go back in a sort out your screw up!

Reading all this makes it sound ever so complicated….it’s not really, once you get the hang of it!

This is a ‘new’ image editor thingy, & while it’s true the old one was a little easier to use, you could just click wherever you wanted the pic to go, hit insert image, click your image & that’s just where it would go.

(FIREFOX note, it still works like this in Firefox, but leave quite a bit of clear space between each picture & between the pictures & text too to prevent an image/text interface fuck up!).

The benefit of it is that your image is pretty much ready to use as soon as it’s loaded in the forum gallery (it used to say ’waiting approval’ you can use them straight away now, but only YOU will see them until they have been approved & you can load XXX pics too….the software of the other system wouldn’t have any of that! BUT these will ONLY be viewable by VIP members).

Final note for whatever your using.

If you load a large image that takes up all of the box, make sure you have hit the Enter key first to give you enough room to get below the image to write text/load more images.. the cursor won’t scroll down the side & YOU’LL end up as the curser as you’ll need to cut the image, make some room to work & load it again!

I hope you get into using pictures in your posts, have a bit of a practice, then get a couple of pictures going.

Happy Posting!

Mike 'n EJ