tavyone
Male, 56   New Zealand
Male
Christchurch, New Zealand
11,721 mi from you
56
Married/Attached
Click to enlarge
Gender:
From:
Age:
Status:
Email me
Send a card
Send voicemail
Tickle me!
Height:
Body type:
Race:
Sexuality:
5' 9"
Average
Caucasian
Straight
Interests:
Seeks:
Seen:
A discreet relationship, Casual sex, Friends
Women
1 hr ago
These enhanced profiles will give you a much better insight into tavyone's lifestyle, desires, fantasies and more. Click on any of the links to open a new window and view tavyone's answers to questions on the following topics...
Report profile
Discrete meetings for coffee and see what happens
Men Seeking Women
Nothing can come into your experience unless you summon it through persistent thoughts.
It is impossible to feel bad and at the same time have good thoughts.
the feeling of love is the highest frequency you can emit.The-greater the love you feel, the greater the power you are harnessing.
Remember that an ad ....
Other members...
2 comments
1 comment
Re Blogs
All blogs are out of a book I have and I only post as amusement in no way are they my beliefs I hope all enjoy as no offence intended Have a great day
This blog is currently rated 4.5 out of 5
Click to rate this blog: 1 2 3 4 5
Caught with his pants down
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

"Oh My God! Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover, "and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!"
"I can’t jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "I’m naked and it’s raining cats and dogs."
"If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!" she replied. "He’s got a very quick temper and a shotgun!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon. So he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could. It wasn’t that effective!

After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh, yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running."
Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
"Oh, yes!" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Only when it’s raining," he replied.
Posted at 10:36pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
Stewardess
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself: "Wow, she’s so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"


Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself: "Damn, she doesn’t work for Delta."


A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.


Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."


This time the woman turned on him and said, "What the fuck do you want?"


The man smiled, slumped back in his chair and thought "Ahhhhh, Easyjet".
Posted at 11:52am (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
Don't Fart in bed
Monday, March 8, 2010

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years when by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts in. Some time later she heard her husband wake and let rip the usual trouser trumpet which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Hou were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Posted at 6:09pm (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
Genesis
Monday, March 8, 2010

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 40 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 40 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."
And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years."
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 15 years."
And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years."
And it was so.

Finally, God created Man, and told him, " You will be the the smartest creature that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
And the man responded,"Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."


And it was so - God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.

Posted at 11:03am (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
Help for the husbands
Sunday, March 7, 2010

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties

You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty 0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings +5
In the snow +8
But return with beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise&it’s nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise & it’s something +5
You pummel it with a six iron +10
It’s her pet -10

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -6
Tiffany has breast implants -8

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar +1
Okay, it is a sports bar -2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night -3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team -10

A Night Out With The Boys

Go out with a pal -5
The pal is happily married -4
Or frighteningly single -7
And he drives a Mustang -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) -15

A Night Out

You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It’s called Death Cop III -3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts-30
You say "It doesn’t matter, you have one too" -800

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
Any other response -20
Sorry, there’s no way out of this one without a loss of points....

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes +5
You listen over 30 minutes without looking at the clock +100
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep -20

Posted at 8:12pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
Go to page: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next
 Thankyou for the birthday greeting, it was appreciated
Added: Thursday, February 18, 2010 5:16am

Thanks for the brithday wishs

Added: Monday, February 15, 2010 9:44am
thanks for the bday greeting and ....
Happy vAlentines to U too :)
Added: Sunday, February 14, 2010 6:10pm
So nice of you to send birthday wishes!  Thanks!
Added: Monday, February 8, 2010 5:12pm
thank you for the birthday wishes, tavy!!
phoenix



Added: Friday, February 5, 2010 10:44pm
Just checked out your blog..so funny, laughed til I'm in tears, lol  Whoever wrote the "I'm so glad I'm a man/woman" did their homework!
Added: Monday, February 1, 2010 12:17pm
You're really sweet, thanks a lot!
Added: Friday, January 29, 2010 2:58pm
thanks for the birthday wishes
Added: Sunday, January 24, 2010 6:26pm
thx for the birthday wish....Kat
Added: Thursday, January 21, 2010 2:57am
Thank you for the Birthday greetings
Added: Wednesday, January 20, 2010 10:15pm
thank you very much!!
Added: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 7:46pm
Thank you very much
Added: Saturday, January 9, 2010 7:30pm
I'd just like to tell you how much your humorous blog entries brighten my day!  Thank you!
Added: Saturday, January 9, 2010 5:19pm
thanks for blogs
Added: Friday, January 8, 2010 3:36am
Thank you for the birtday wishes. 
Added: Tuesday, January 5, 2010 3:16pm
Go to page: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next
Loading - please wait
Loading... please wait
Other people you might be interested in