A teacher explains to her class that she is a New Labour supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were New Labour supporter too.

Not really knowing what a New Labour supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air.

There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I’m not a New Labour supporter."

"Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"Why I’m a proud Conservative," boasts the little girl.

The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a Conservative.

"Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are Conservatives, and I am a Conservative too."

The teacher, now angry, loudly says, "That’s no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

She pauses, and lets out a smile.

"Then," Lucy says, "I’d be a New Labour supporter."

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian High Commission in London, has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he’s won a corner shop, a petrol station, a curry restaurant, a taxi cab or a motel in the United Kingdom.

If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with computer technical support.

Q: What’s hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with "c’, ends with "t" ?
A: A coconut

Q: What’s hard and straight going in, soft and sticky coming out ?
A: Chewing gum.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he’s lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault."