Firstly I must thank all for the wonderful comments of support, some of which have honestly brought tears to my eyes.
 I must say that apart from a reference to my mental state,  I was no more than a little perturbed on any other matter, I just don't feel that I need to prove anything,  .......  it was childish nonsense.

  I am a little apprehensive of using the chat rooms now  &  I just leave quickly if I see a profile that may cause me upset   ......  maybe that makes me a coward, but it's what I have to do for my own sake.

   I have a request for at least two very special friends  .....   please just forget it, the nasty stuff I mean !!! , it never happened !   ............   I'd prefer to give the chance to either wise up or trip over someone else's shoe laces&do it again.

 



      L  xxx


  

    I’m a little hesitant about posting this as recently my honesty has been used against me  & also I would prefer to not to have to relate to my illness again

 

   I’d best explain  ………….   In  the chat room some weeks ago a few people ganged up on me for no apparent reason,  & firstly condemned me for not having a photo on my profile,  then I was accused of being a fake&ultimately ( & this is what upset me ) ,  I was in no uncertain terms accused of being mentally unstable  (  & I’m putting that politely )

  I’ve not taken it too much to heart as generally it just felt like school boy bullying with small intellect to match & it really is such a shame that some can be so selfish as to bring their own aggression on line   ………..   I’ve done it myself ! ,   & I won’t fully hide behind my illness excuse & I know the works of a mischief makers mind but I choose not to be one.

   I have been very wrong at times, but learned much

 

    Please don’t nail me to a tree, but how about everybody be nice to each other for a change ! ?

 

      I’ll probably get struck down by lightning now

 

             Bfn,

                L  x

   I'm not sure how to explain this   .........  due to my illness much of your normal entertainment has not amused or stimulated me for a long time  &  Indeed this is from  &  a result of a melancholic mind.

  I've not played any of my vast musical collection for sometime,  BUT NOW ! , on doing so has really kicked me in the head  !!!!!!!

  I've cried with joy at listening to some of my old favourites   .........  many wonderful

memories can be awoken by music   ......    &  this was something that I had lost up until recently.

  This is very much liked but not a favorite,  although, simply apt  ......


It's been a long time since I rock-and-rolled
It's been a long time since I did the Stroll
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back, let me get it back
mm-baby, where I come from
It's been a long time, been a long time
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time
Yes, it has

It's been a long time since the book of love
I can't count the tears of a life with no love
A-carry me back, carry me back, carry me back
mm-baby, where I come from,whoa-whoa, whoa-oh-oh-hoh
Its been a long time, been a long time
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Hoh, it's been so long since we walked in the moonlight
a-making vows that just can't work right
Haw-haw, yeah, open your arms, open your arms, open your arms
Baby let my love come runinng in, a-yeah
It's been a long time, been a long time
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.

Yeah, hey, yay, hey, yeah, hey, yeah, hey
Ooh, yeah, ooh-ooh, yeah, ooh-ooh, yeah, ooh-ooh, yeah
It's bveen a long time, been a long time
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time

 
   Well that's certainly used more lonely's than usual in that one,  but it sounds damn good to me ! 

    
   L  xxx

  Does not anyone play this anymore ????   .........   I have many times through the last few weeks but have never encountered anyone else !  ............   is that because I can't see the other players,  or because no one goes there ?

  I am of course a real challenge in this type of competition which obviously would make most fear any contest  &  feel inept at my awesome knowledge !!!!!

    I hope that is gauntlet well&truly laid down


  ps.   I'm not that clever or bold really,  I'd just like to play with someone else  &  really don't care whether I win or lose.

                                               



            L   xxxxx

   I know that many know that I have been ill for a very long time but for those who don't know, or know me at all I will admit to suffering from chronic severe depression&social phobia  .........  that's what my docs call it, but realistically to me it has been the worst medical problem of my whole life which I am still trying so very hard to fully recover from   ..........  I'm hopeful, but may never fully recover.

  Please don't judge or hate me for this,  but I did come very close to attempting suicide at a time when just about every waking moment was mental torture for me & the pain was so severe that the normal thoughts of how much this would hurt my loved ones became insignificant.

  Thank god I am past all that now, but to be honest I still get some really bad days but also I have found stronger love than ever from my partner  &  family in my time of need. 
  I can't always now expect to wake up in the morning full of beans & loving the new day but I so love it when I do feel that way.

   Over such a long time I have learned partly of how deal with it all  &  start to get my life back together   ...........   there is another issue involved but perhaps that would be best mentioned or explained another time.

   Every good day is a blessing to me now  &  I hope you all share my love of life.


      I have great hopes for the future  !


        Sincere good wishes to all in this New Year,
  
            L