Thursday November 12 , 2009

      The Last two days have been Crazy . Thursday I went to see my Shrink Michele . She has joined in to help future doctors come to understand T-girls better . Two of the Universities I'm involved with will now be sending future doctors to her who would like a better understanding Transsexuals . Michele asked if it was ok for a young intern to sit in on my session , I told her great . My thinking is the intern will have a better understanding of T-girls if I'm open about everything . This will make the intern more helpful to future girls and guys coming down this road . I felt the session was good but I think the intern should have asked a few questions .
       After I left my shrink I went to see my Podiatrist . The staff was great to me there . Lets face it girls who wear 4 inch heels all the time are going to be regular customers . LOL . I left there feeling great .
      Next I went shopping I don't know too many girls who don't like to shop . I spent 2 hours shopping . Then on to R. L. E. ( Real Life Experience ) Training for future doctors . This is where you have a group of future Doctors they meet you outside the classroom . We do a meet and great and then a brief lecture then a very long Q.&A. session . This lasted for 3.5 hours . Then the young doctors were taken to a local club were an old friend runs a Drag show for the last 15 years . Lisa -Lisa Has run the Show for long time . We go back to the 80's together . She was also Miss Casalido in 1993 in Trenton N.J. , I was the bartender there then . In the 80's she won the Miss Cartwheel show in New Hope Pa. .
       She gave the young Doctors one hell of a show . One that they will never forget . They got to see the difference between Transsexuals and Drag performers . After the show Lisa took over there education . She took them to one of the hottest clubs and and showed them around . I had crashed and burned by 2:00 A.M. , they kept going . We all had to be at the Doctors office by 9:00 A.M. .

Friday November 13 , 2009

       This morning was rough . 6:00 am came fast . I got up showered and got dressed threw on my make-up and fast did my hair and out the door for the second part of R. L. E. training . This morning the future doctors got to work on and meet trans-girls and trans-men . I was first up , they got to do a full physical on me top to bottom . All the questions they could think of . Then came the fun part , they got watch My Doctor give me my shot in the rear quarter . I hate needles . He explained how and where to place the shot in t-girls as he gave it . He went into detail what could go wrong for a girl if not given right . I was asked what could make a girl feel more at ease when first coming out . I told him every girl will be different . We all have different levels of comfort . I did explain that they need to understand our fears and our needs . Fear for those in the closet and not ready to come out , and fear of being found out . This is the most intense and is the most crippling . Needs , we need doctors who understand were in the wrong body and were not freaks . We need hormones with out a lot of bullshit . Some doctors get to carried away with rules that are way to restrictive . Thats why we come to a doctor , for hormones and monitoring so we don't mess up our transition , and to make life just a little better mentally .
      After about two hours L.J. came in . He's a trans-man . He sat and gave the doctors his side of transitioning . At 12 :00 I had to leave .
      I show up at my union hall at 12 :05 P.M. and meet with Johnny Doc's Secretary . After a brief meeting I head to my next appointment .
      I turn in my paper work for my scuba diving name change paper work . Then out the door . They were really good too .
      My last stop is the Dentist . This I dread . There not the nicest here . All day people tell you how good you look . Then I walk in here and they call me Ken . I go to the back wait my turn to see the dentist and after the third time of being called Ken I stop him in his tracks and ask him to please stop calling me Ken . Its hard I'm mad but ready to cry . Its taking all I have not to let it out . I explain I have filed for a name change back months ago . I had surgery that legally makes me a female now . I explain these are my breast not implants or fakes . He apologizes and starts to call me Karen , buy the time I leave everyone is now calling me Karen . I get to my truck pull away and then I pull over and let it all out . I look in the mirror I look like a raccoon . I try to clean up a little but just go home .What a day .

 Monday November 2, 2009

     Some weekends even though I do nothing a lot happens to move me forward . Two Dr.'s told me I could move forward in the processes to make my dreams come true this weekend . Another got back to me about my FFS . Here's what he wrote .

   From your provided  pictures ,
Surgical possibilities that are worth-doing to faminize your face are :
 
1 Forehead contouring&Brow lift : to turn your forehead and brow to female type.
2 Lower facelift                         : to rejuvenate sagging cheek and tighten jaw line                  
3 Botox injecion                         :  to reduce the size of masster muscle to make the lower face slimmer ( heart shape face) 
4 Lower lip correction                  : to correct the asymmetry of lower lip bulging
 
The detailed cost of each are :
 
1 220000 bahts GA with 2 nights hospital stay , 2 wks Phuket stay
2 250000 bahts GA with 3 nights hospital stay , 2 wks Phuket stay
3 20000   bahts LA with no hospital stay ( Out patient basis ) , 1 day Phuket Stay
4 20000   bahts LA with no hospital stay ( Out patient basis )  , 2 wks Phuket Stay

     Well what he didn't get into was how busted up my face was from my past . If they can fix this it would be nice . I don't know how many fights I got into when I  was younger because I was so different . At least kids today don't have to go through that .
   If I was a computer geek I could convert bahts into U.S. dollars . This gets a little frustrating not being able to convert this and other figures I have received .

   I found out yesterday another son is going to break up with his girlfriend . I knew something was wrong , I just didn't know how wrong . The one that this will be the hardest on are the kids . I know I won't get to see them anymore once they go there separate ways . Even though she was polite to me , I know I made her uncomfortable being what I am . She is trying to figure out how you walk away from a position of power to what I have been basically reduced to . I can't even go into how many fights I have going in the court system now . What I find the most disturbing is most women accept this with out a fight for there basic rights . It seems a lot are not willing to fight for equality . They take what there given .



   Entry for October 30, 2009
Good things come to those who wait


Well the last few days have been interesting to say the least . My son had a fancy phone stolen at school back a few weeks ago . Yesterday a teacher asked my son to come to his room . When he got there a young man my son new apologized for taking the phone . He did not have it any more so he payed my son for a new phone . My son was happy and told the kid thanks .
This morning I received a call from another son he was just told by my oldest sons girlfriends mom that they got engaged this morning in the Virgin Islands . I seem to be the last one to find everything out . My X heard about this three days ago .
Today I finally heard back from one of my surgeons . He apologized for not getting back to me . What I'm getting from these doctors is I still have about a 4 to 6 month wait till surgery . They all have a log jam of people ahead of me . This I can handle , as long as I know I'm moving forward , even if it is an amoeba pace .



   Entry for October 28, 2009
   Court

Major disappointment today . My hearing in court was delayed a few more weeks . My stomach has been tied in knots for the last three years over this . I have battled with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania since 1979 over this issue . The last few court battles I won but at very high cost . Today I'm feeling very low at more delays .
The Doctors I have been e-mailing on my finale surgery have been dragging there feet . I received some half good news last night from another lawyer , my research was dead on . He thinks he can win hands down with no court battle . Give me books , I can find anything . Pennsylvania has a lot of twisted laws on the books that need updating . Were in a new century still doing things that are medieval . I feel most days like I am fighting for every breath I take . Every turn there is another closed door . Today was just a bad day . A.F.U..... Future reference fight one battle at a time . To many fronts creates confusion , heartbreak and a generally bad attitude .