I stopped at the nearby convenience store this morning to get my mornng dose of caffiene. It is a busy place in the mornings, with customers often getting coffee, snacks and such along with gas for their cars.
 
I went to the counter to pay and the girl at the counter said "Did you have gas?".

I just sort of blurted out "No, it must have been the lady that was here before me" (I meant gas as in bodily emission).
 
The girl at the counter blew her chewing gum out her mouth, and put her face down on the counter in embarrassment.
 
I saw out of the corner of my eye that the lady who was in line before me was standing there talking to a friend about five feet from me. I looked at her and her face was so red that she was about to explode. I'm not sure if was embarrassment, being angry or a combination. She pretty much ran out the door.

The lady standing in line behind me said that I had made her day. The girl at the counter couldn't even look at me. It just seemed like the thing to say.

Life is Short.....Enjoy it Now!!

>> 

>> THE PRIEST'S RETIREMENT DINNER

>> 

>> A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in 

>> the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation 

>> was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the 

>> dinner.However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few 

>> words while they waited:

>> 

>> 'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I 

>> heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very 

>> first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a 

>> television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his 

>> way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his 

>> employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and 

>> gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned 

>> that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine 

>> parish full of good and loving people...'

>> 

>> Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of 

>> apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation 

>> and gave his talk:

>> 

>> 'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,' said the 

>> politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go 

>> to him for confession.'

>> *

>> Moral: *_ Never, Never Be Late_

Drafting Guys Over 60

This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier...

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!


I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.


For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.


Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while..


An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.


If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brain teaser.


Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.


They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.


Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.


An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.


These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.


Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.


HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!


Send this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it.