I have to ask this as the idea of pretending to be deaf just dawned upon me. It has been said that the mother of invention is necessity and I guess it is right. What is the mother of this invention? My boss who will not shut up, also the coworkers could use a bit of shutting up too. I am not sure I could fool them however, as they already know I can hear perfectly well. Maybe I could convince them that there was some mishap in the break room with the coffee maker? Maybe a copier gone haywire? Anything to allow me to not have to listen to end of the week discussions and disagreements! How much can someone down the hall complain aloud about a lack of paper clips!!!!

Keeping with the Halloween spirit I asked a group of my students yesterday if any of them had ever seen a ghost. To my surprise, about 15 of them raised their hands. I then asked if any of them had ever TALKED to a ghost. A few hands went down but still around 10 had their hands up. To narrow it down a bit I asked if anyone had ever TOUCHED a ghost. Still, around 7 students kept their hands raised. Thinking they were full of it I decide to call their bluff so I asked if anyone had ever had SEX with a ghost. To my shock, one very odd, very quiet student who always sits in the back of the class raised his hand. I decided if he wanted the attention I would give it to him and then asked him to come to the front of the room and share his experience with the rest of the class. He stood up, adjusted his overalls and awkwardly made his way to the podium down front. The class fell silent and the clomping of his cowboy boots down the isle way were the only sound to be heard.. When he got to the front he stood there with a nervous stare so I decided to encourage him a little.

“Go ahead, tell the class about the time you had sex with a ghost” I said.

“Ghost?” he said,” I thought you said GOAT!”

Had a coworker wish me good luck today on a project that is the bull in a china shop of our office. I drew the short straw and we both knew his wishes of good luck were a funny gesture made in total sarcasm. It reminded me of how women (too many) had wished me good luck just after they decide to stop dating me. It also reminded me of how I have said the same thing to some women just after I broke up with them. We all knew that wishing someone good luck meant about as much as asking someone how they are when you first start a conversation. Just a greeting and nothing more. So, I hear by declare that “good luck” be the official break up statement. Either that or “you suck, leave me alone.” But that sounds so cruel! I now find it hard to believe anyone’s sincerity when they wish me good luck on anything. Really want me to have good luck? Pay my mortgage!

Sex tapes are apparently the way to go if you want to suddenly gain instant fame. At least if you pretend you wanted no one to find it but someone breaks into your home and mysteriously knows just where to look for this “secret” sex tape. Then it appears just as mysteriously on the entertainment tv shows. Don’t get me wrong, I am not wanting to be on the cover of some tabloid, at least not the kind with Elvis AND alien abductions. But since that a SA survey has established surprisingly that women also watch porn, (duh!) the question now is do they make it as well? I am not talking about the pro-type stuff you rent or buy, that answer is obvious. I am talking about regular Jane and John Q. Public homemaker types. I was watching some adult entertainment, shall we say, to tide me over until I actually find the real thing and began to wonder if being filmed while you have sex is hot and exciting or high pressure? Some of the participants look like they are having the time of their life while others look like they are counting the seconds until they have enough for rent. I am sure it takes a very different person to want spotlights pointed at you and someone yelling action! No one wants to have sex on command anyway. I figure that given the crowd here that someone has made a private sex tape and maybe had an opinion on their experience. Regardless of if you are glad you did it or regret it, please be kind, rewind. :)

It was a manly weekend around my house this Saturday. Lots of power tools, hammering sawing, grunting, muscle flexing and such. No, I did not have a extra weird date,  I finally got around to building the deck I have been planning. As a man I am forbidden from using instructions or plans (see man code book page 78 paragraph 12) so I eventually ran out of supplies and went out to my local hardware warehouse to buy more. Not thinking that going to buy wood required cleaning one’s self up, I simply headed out as is. I felt a little like I fancied it up a bit, I did after all shake the sawdust out of my hair and wash my hands. No need to go through the trouble of a full shower just to wander around in the vast acreage that is my local home repair store, right?  I was not expectant of what I encountered when I got there. No, I am not referring to good customer service. Instead I am talking about lots of attractive women. As usual I was totally unprepared since as I mentioned all I did was shake off the sawdust. Maybe it was the time of day or weather. How was I to know that I would be surrounded by isles and isles of women who obviously put a lot of effort into looking like they put no effort into looking sexy. Does anyone have an explanation for this? I could not remember a time when I had seen so many good looking women in the casual/sexy look at a place that sells 2x4s and toilet plungers. Plain jane tight jeans and those big shoes that cripple women everywhere in the name of being taller and more shapely. Do you women have any idea how sexy you look when you just put on a pair of jeans and let your hair down? Maybe you do!

Are warehouses large enough for their own zipcode the new dating scene? If it is I am going to start building a second deck, and running out of wood more often.