THE UGLY FROG

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company.
So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to
catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she
 looked and he winked at her.
 
He whispered,'I'M SO LONELY, TOO.  BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME.  YOU WON'T
EVER BE SORRY.'
 
The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else.  So, she bought the
frog.  She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her.   As she was slowly driving
down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY.'!   

So! The old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.
 
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS.
 
SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS.  
NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?

COME ON GUESS!
 
SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!

She's old...... NOT DEAD !!!!!  

OLD LADIES ROCK

 

 Ear Infection

 This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are
 there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong -- and
 sometimes it is embarrassing.

 There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you
 tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.  I
 know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy
 handled it:

 A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
 the desk.

The receptionist said, "Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for
 today?"

 He replied, "There's something wrong with my dick."

 The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
 crowded waiting room and say things like that."

 "Why not? You asked me what was wrong, and I told you."

 The receptionist replied, "Now you' ve caused some embarrassment in
 this room full of people. You should have said there is something
 wrong with your ear and then discussed the problem further with the
 doctor in private."

 "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the
 answer could embarrass anyone," the man said. ! Then he walked out and
 waited several minutes before re-entering.

The receptionist smiled smugly and said, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear."

 The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken
 her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

 "I can't piss out of it."

 The waiting room erupted in laughter.

 The lesson:

Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose.

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.  The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.  As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance-and I just never wanted to."

A crowd had gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.  The old prospector in order not to get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied.

When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered
his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.  The old man turned to his
pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back.

The loud, audible double clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.  The young gunslinger heard the sounds,  also, and he turned around very slowly.  The quiet was almost deafening.  The crowd  watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of  those twin barrels.  He found it hard to swallow.  The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.

The old man said, "Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?"

The young bully swallowed hard and said, "No sir, but I've always wanted to."


            There are two lessons for us all here:

            1.  Don't waste ammunition.

             2.  Don't mess with old people.