After a long absence the clods have returned this month. Perhaps they were busy celebrating the holidays. Maybe their internet connection suffered during a massive blizzard. Whatever the reason for the quiet on the clod front they’re back in full force. Do you think Valentine’s Day made them feel particularly romantic? Time to dust off the clod crown.

The contenders:

1.    Snotnose wrote, “Just wondering if you have ever been eaten until you scream by a 64 yr old bald dude?   Think it would rock your world!!!!”

My response: Since you're so far geographically, married and have an incomplete profile the answer will have to remain a mystery. Guess you got quite a charge out of writing this message. That's good because it did nothing for me.

Did he seriously think this message would make me cream in my jeans? Sadly, rather than send a reply, he blacklisted me.

2.    Watercloset asked “can i get a password please i wanna see ur awesome body while im strokin my big cock”

My response: Sure...when you complete your profile and post a photo of your face.

My photos may be a tad racy but they’re not really wank worthy. I placed passwords on some of my photos to cut down on the occasional inane and ignorant comments.

3.    Stooge’s message was, “mmmmmmmmmmmm wow can i eat you”

My response: Why? Can't you afford groceries? Are you a cannibal?

This was not the first time he had contacted me. His previous message read, “how are you heres a household tip get on your knees     love stooge”.

How eloquent.  

On whose head shall the crown be placed? I’m at a loss, they’re all so worthy. So please, gentle readers, vote for your favorite in the comments.