maybe it is time. maybe i have been blind to the perception of myself from the eye of the beholder. i've always thot and agreed with the saying "beauty is only skin deep".  i think that kinda goes for every perception and faction of who we are.  just living, just being... it forms who we are, how we are from the moment we take our first breath.  some factors of our personality i think are genetic.  some are formed by what we learn just by living, doing, seeing... i know myself well.  i am different. i am unique. i am not a stereotypical woman.  person.  happiness as defined by webster has often been foreign to me.  hidden from me.  just out of my grasp.  once in a while, my fingertips are able to brush against a small corner of bliss, only to slip away again far too soon.   i am who i am.  yes. my glass has pretty much been half empty but i have managed on rare occasions to fill it up and let it drain slowly.

i suppose that each of us have different reasons for coming to this website, which for the last 3-4 yrs has been comfortable to me.  i have met a lot of really great ppl that i consider friends.  i think it is great to be able to talk to ppl on the opposite ends of the earth. we find out so much about the world around us that way... well, i do. maybe i am of the rare majority and have outgrown my reasons for being here, at this website.  i do not have total control over what life hands me. i have to deal with it as it is dished out in the best way that i know how based on my expectations and life experiences to date.  i am after all, very human.  i make mistakes.  i cry. i experience pain.  i get a glimpse now and again of a life foreign to me, but that makes me smile nonetheless.  i am who i am and thats all i can be.

yep. its that time of year again... summer is gone and fall is upon us.  temps are getting cooler, nights colder and leaves are starting to change color.

its my favorite time of year.  cool, but not TOO cold,  kinda gloomy, a little rainy, and a roaring fire in the fireplace.  it's easy to fall in love in the fall.... snuggling up together, candlelit dinners and holding hands.  butterfly kisses and dances with tongues.

i think its the snuggling to stay warm - warm up - that does it for me.. once u are huddled securely and protectively in his/her arms... u just can but sigh and breathe deep. yeah, i know... there are usually MORE clothes on u, but that just adds to the fun of diving underneath them all to see what u can find to play with... i just love a good challenge.