69tex4u
Male, 74   United States
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New Windsor
New York, USA
2,783 mi from you
74
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I post a lot of jokes because I love laughter. I try to make all I meet a little happier. I get the biggest laughs in bed..
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The confession
Laughter is the best medicine. So why do they say I'm mentally sick lol
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Woman Golfer
Tuesday, December 25, 2018

A woman joins a country club and one day hears the guys talking about their golf round.

She says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?"

No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot.

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 am."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."She's there at 6:30 am sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.

She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.

They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30, or 6:45."

The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.

Only this time, she plays left-handed.

The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.

They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.

However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge. This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.

After the game they decide to have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse.

Finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushes, and grins. "Well I'm ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willy points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."  The guys think this is hysterical and burst into laughter. 

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the them asks, "What if it's pointing straight up?"

"Then I'm fifteen minutes late."

Posted at 10:53am (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
Fool proof lie
Monday, December 17, 2018

A man has been drinking all day at a bar. Late at night, he suddenly checks his clock.
"1:30 am, darn. I need to go home now or the wife's going to kill me," he says to the bartender.
But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor. "I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes later he tries to stand up, but again he falls to the floor, this time even harder. At this point, he realizes this won't work, but he needs to get home no matter what, so he starts crawling towards his house. After 40 minutes he gets there, lays down next to his (blissfully sleeping) wife and passes out.

The next morning his wife wakes him up, not kindly.
"So... how was last night, huh? Was it fun drinking all day?"The man is 100% sure his wife was asleep when he got home, so he tries to play it cool: "Not really, just hanging with some coworkers... we didn't drink much... just a couple of beers."
His wife starts nodding understandably: "Ah ha, makes sense."She starts to turn and then stops and turns back to him:
"Oh, by the way, the bar owner called this morning, your wheelchair's there, idiot.
"

Posted at 11:55am (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
Wind Turbine Problems
Thursday, December 6, 2018
cid:CB463C45DEB24661827842B8724B6D10@cweiss
Posted at 8:51am (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
boy and dad at drug store
Saturday, November 24, 2018

A man walks into a drugstore with his 8-year-old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" 

"Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex," the man replies matter-of-factly. 

"Oh I see," replies the boy, pensively. "I've heard of that in health class at school." 

He picks up a packet of three condoms and asks: "Why are there three in this package, Dad?"

"Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday," the man replies. 

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a six-pack and asks: "So who are these for, Dad?" 

"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday." 

"Wow!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks as he picks up a 12-pack. 

"Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."

 
Posted at 1:21pm (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
God finds a man in his image
Thursday, November 22, 2018

Everybody on earth died and went to heaven.
On their arrival, God greeted the people and said: "I want the men to make two lines - one line for the men that dominated their women on earth, and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
A little while later, God returned to the pearly gates to check on progress. The women had all gone with St. Peter as he had wished, and the men were split into two liThe line containing men that were dominated by women during their earthly lives was 100 miles long, but there was just a single man in the line containing men that dominated their women.
Enraged by this, God said to the men: “You should be ashamed for yourselves. I created you in my image and you allowed yourselves to be controlled by your lovers or spouses.” Turning toward the solitary man, God continued: “Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son - how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"  "I don't know - my wife told me to stand here," replied the man
Posted at 1:01pm (MST) | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Report Post
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 Only just noticed the photo comment.


Added: Saturday, February 10, 2018 4:00pm
Thank you for commenting on the Algebra blog...I hope she will be able to handle her college classes! 
ib 
Added: Wednesday, September 6, 2017 9:47am

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Added: Saturday, April 25, 2015 12:59pm
Added: Friday, January 16, 2015 7:17pm
Added: Saturday, January 10, 2015 6:42pm
Added: Wednesday, December 31, 2014 9:28am
Added: Sunday, November 2, 2014 10:41am
Added: Wednesday, October 1, 2014 8:56pm
Added: Tuesday, September 2, 2014 11:28pm
Added: Friday, August 1, 2014 11:56am

Added: Friday, April 25, 2014 6:39am
thanks for the comments and hug on my blog
Added: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 4:35pm
Great Stuff! Bring on some more.
Added: Tuesday, May 14, 2013 4:13pm

Added: Tuesday, May 14, 2013 3:12pm
Yep!

I'm 64 and my health and quality of life is going to hell in a handbasket, so
rapidly I've almost got to the point of being unable to take care of myself as well as my dog, so that spectre is looming large.

Buena suerte amigo.
Added: Monday, August 20, 2012 4:58pm
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