FuzzDuck
Male, 36   Canada
Male
Edmonton
Alberta, Canada
1,644 mi from you
36
Single
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5' 6"
A few extra pounds
Caucasian
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Casual sex, A long term relationship, Friends
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Borrowed post
Sunday, January 11, 2015
I didn't write this but damn I wish I had


Okay, I have a confession to make. I don't have a big dick. I don't have one of those big, pulsing trouser snakes that make all the cock sluts drool on here. I can't throw phallic lumber at a woman's face and knock her to the floor. But you know what? I'm okay with that. There are several advantages to not being large in that oh-so-special way.

  • No chafing if I go commando. Let's face it, there are just some areas of my body that should not be rubbed raw, that being the main one. I mean I nicked my scrotum shaving the other day and almost had a heart attack. I don't want to see blood down there, for Christ's sake. Well, not mine anyway.
  • I can cross my legs. This is a big one, folks. The ability to cross your legs makes you look more official and leadership material. Many's the time I thanked my lucky stars I was able to cross my legs in that important meeting or job interview. I know how leaderly I looked sitting in that interview knowing they were noticing just how well I crossed my legs. I know they were thinking "Now there's a manager with a tiny dick. He'll be compensating for his Napoleonic weinerschnitzel by bossing our people better. We need to hire this sonofabitch before he leaves the room!" I'm pretty sure I heard that more than once.
  • When I have anal sex, you won't feel like you're having a colonoscopy for a date. Seriously, ladies, consider this. You already have the capacity to pass a small bowling ball through your vagina, do you really want a baseball bat plunging in and out of your anus? Is nothing sacred?
  • You won't choke on me, ladies. Just think about that one for a minute......ok stop thinking. Yeah, I realize some of you ladies are really into getting gagged by cocks the size of small rifles but guess what? I have a very sympathetic gag reflex. You start, I start, then the whole thing turns into a big retch festival. Not good for me. I'm sweaty just thinking about it. Ok, moving on...oh God...
  • Wider fashion choices. Since I don't have to worry about the dreaded "tip slip" I can wear whatever the fuck I want. Ha! Take that all you raging boners of destruction! Tight pants? No problem. Khaki shorts? Piece of cake. Speedos? Ok well not so much but in my defense, not many guys outside of the Olympics can pull the whole speedo thing off anyway.
  • It makes my balls look huge! Which is a good thing......I guess. Yeah it's a good thing! Look at the size of my scrotum ladies! Drool, right? Right?
  • Limited sex positions available to me. This is important as I didn't want to have to memorize all 3,754 tantric positions. And besides, I'm pushing 50. Let's face it, I could pull a muscle, and no Dom wants to cry in front of his sub with a herniated disk or some shit like that. It kills the mood quickly and the paramedics just keep giving me funny looks.
  • I get to be closer to the lady I'm schtupping. That's right ladies I will be IN YOUR FACE and my lips will be right..uh..IN YOUR FACE and stuff. That one sounds better in my head actually. Oh well, whatever. I'm too lazy to think of a replacement so I'll just keep typing on this one so it looks like I gave this one a lot of thought. Okay, that's probably long enough.
  • Hmm, I didn't really think this out well. I wasn't planning on getting to a ninth one. Umm. Lessee, what else is good about not having a large johnson? Oh yeah the nicknames. See with large organic protuberances you have to come up with all kinds of weird nicknames for it. Like "organic protuberance". I know, weird right? Hehe, "protuberance", I like that word. Protuberance, protuberance, protuberance.
  • Last one. Final stretch. Going for the gold. Shit.......
Posted at 8:39am (MST) | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Report Post
Been a Busy few Months
Monday, January 13, 2014
Well, the restaurant didn't survive. Like most of them, I ran out of money. However, I was able to pick a few things up from the experience. There's been few situations that I haven't picked up something useful for down the road. This last one taught me a lot, not just about the business operations, but about loyalties. The day the money ran out, so did loyalty. This is to be expected from people in general, but not by blood. I held them to a higher standard, the same standard I hold myself to.

And in other news........

Since the surgery I'm down almost exactly 100 lbs. Since May. I wasn't supposed to lose this much weight until the 3rd year, and I'm eating more then I'm supposed to be and drinking more. I was supposed to wait 6 months before drinking alcohol or carbonated drinks, yea that didn't happen.

After the last layoff in Fort McMurray, I applied with another contractor in the area, Flint. I was kinda shocked to get a call from their Alaska office about a job on the North Slope. They have a great reputation among the Canadian hands I know so hopefully this will be a good one. Flint and Ledcor are supposed to be the best two contractors to work for in Canada. But unless my sense of geography has done got all fucked up, I ain't in Canada anymore. Hopefully this one will work out right

Now the nitty gritty. I tried things backward this time. My normal, overly horny ways usually get the better of me. I met a very attractive blonde back home in Kentucky. She was actually somebody I thought would be worth keeping around for a little bit.  Smart, sexy, great in bed, sarcastic and a touch bitchy. Just what I needed. We ended up in bed together once back in the summer, and then maintained the friends only status since then. Early last month, we started entertaining the notion of a relationship. The chemistry was there, the attraction was there, everything seemed right. Hell, even her daughter liked me. Seeing the past tense there? We(she) came to the conclusion that, because of my work, she couldn't. I'm simply gone too much. I don't blame her, and we're still maintaining the friends thing so at least not all is lost there.

Seeing as I lost my ass and my apartment back in Kentucky, and I really have nothing tying me in Cave City, I'm leaving town when I get home. I have 3 weeks up here before I get home and once I file my taxes, get tires on the truck and possibly an exhaust system, I'm looking at either Nashville or Vegas. Both towns have decently cheap rent and pretty cheap airfare. Right now, Vegas is looking a hell of alot more attractive.

Sorry this one wasnt as humorous as normal, just had a hell of alot going on
Posted at 9:31pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
A question for the horse lovers amongst us
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Seeing as we typically have deep philosophical discussions at work, I would like to see if I could get some help to a question we could not answer among ourselves:

Exactly how much does a Russian race horse urinate? We've all heard/used the expression " I have to piss like a Russian racehorse" and we began to question exactly the volume in question. And on a further note, do Russian race horses produce more then the average race horse? Who quantifies these type measurements and are we really sure they should be allowed around livestock? Is it a position that requires extensive training and are the benefits worth the risk?

Deeply philosophical group I'm working with up here.
Fuzzy
Posted at 8:19pm (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
You can have anything you want......
Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A few people on here may know the song that comes from.  Last Friday I signed the lease on a restaurant. When I realized it was around a half a mile from the railroad tracks the name was settled. After a busy trip home I settled the lease, utilities, insurance, most of the personnel, and a lot of the maintenance and changing the signage. The manager I have in place is going to finish up the prep work and when I get back from Canada in 20 days, we will be open. Yes, DCM has me flying on the Fourth. There is something wrong with having Americans flying on the Fourth.

Hope everyone's Canada day went good and y'all have a good Fourth.
Posted at 9:11pm (MST) | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Report Post
A month in
Monday, June 3, 2013
Well its been 4 weeks since the surgery and I'm down 30 lbs. I started at 265 and yesterday I was at 235. I was at 240 when my oldest daughter was born 9 years ago. I'm hoping to be at 230 by the time I go back to work, which should be this coming weekend. The weight loss has slowed some since I started eating solid foods again. I cannot stress how good a little taste of a grilled pork chop was.

As it stands now, I'm scheduled to fly to Alberta either Friday or Saturday. The first job fell thru because they don't have room in the camps and this second one is only wanting guys who either already have cleared AIT or have the Red Seal. That put me on top of a very short list. Hopefully this one lasts a little while.
Posted at 1:51am (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
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Added: Friday, February 22, 2013 10:38am

Merry Christmas!!!

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thanks so much for the comment on my blog :)
Added: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 6:41pm
thanks so much for commenting on my blog.
Added: Saturday, July 9, 2011 8:54pm
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Welcome to the site and to the forums.

Have fun !!

~ naughty   
Added: Friday, June 3, 2011 2:12pm
Welcome 
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I like what you said in the forums 
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