OregonDuckDude
Male, 45   United States
Male
Portland
Oregon, USA
2,197 mi from you
45
Single
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5' 7"
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Caucasian
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Erotic chat/email, A discreet relationship, Casual sex, A long term relationship, Just penpals, Phone Chat, Friends
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Single like a stick of Dynomite!
Men Seeking Women
40somthing single ex-militery guy who has never married and does not have kids. i am looking for a person that has a good mind and a great sence of humor. this is a must. i really want to find someone who just wants to learn and grow thru a shared life experience.
where you can find me on sexy Ads
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i go to the bedroom for chat cause its a good place to meet and greet people look me up there and give me a shout out
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Do i need to remind you i am ODD?
The things i think about and love to share
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The Verse
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
 
Posted at 9:32pm (MST) | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Report Post
The New Sex Contract
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
 SEX CONTRACT

I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication. I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have been fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors, misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends, and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger. I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly, if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of heretofore listed activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and breaking the no-contact agreement of this document. I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body, and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his or her own, nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.

Signed,

_____________________________________
Fornicator At Large
 

Posted at 4:31pm (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
New Letter From HR about your job!!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Dear employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.  Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.  This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place.

This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employees who have bee n S.L.A.P.P.ED and S.C.R.E.W.ED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be S.L.A.P.P.ED once, S.C.R.E.W.ED  twice, but may be S.H.A.F.T.E.D. as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance)  or C.L.A.P. (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).  As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S . or C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.) Program.  We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive.  We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area.  If any employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor.  Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

The Management
Posted at 11:25am (MST) | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Report Post
Pussy Vs. Beer Debate
Sunday, February 8, 2009

It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy...

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
advantage: Tie

If you get a hair in your teeth
consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy

Too much head makes you mad at the
person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is

still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer,
your wife may get mad. If you come home
smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not
drive. 6 pussies in a night and you
have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath,
you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath,
you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer
any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God. Beer can
make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy
you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer,
you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work,
you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy
at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may
break. If you suddenly drop a pussy,
it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your
old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Tie

Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead,
Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

Posted at 10:56pm (MST) | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Report Post
9 Words woman Use
Sunday, January 11, 2009

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!


5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)


6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F@!K YOU!


9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, refer to #3.

Posted at 9:54pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
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Added: Saturday, December 27, 2014 8:59am
 
Added: Monday, December 27, 2010 9:53am
HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY DUCKYYYYYYY!!!!!
Added: Monday, December 27, 2010 6:01am
    
Added: Sunday, December 27, 2009 9:19pm

  Have a wonderful day and enjoy! 

Added: Sunday, December 27, 2009 10:35am
Added: Sunday, December 27, 2009 10:24am


 Happy Birthday Sweetie,

Hope you have a wonderful fun packed day..


Smooches,

Added: Sunday, December 27, 2009 5:32am
Happy B-Day ODDie, I'd say drink lots of beer to celebrate, but I figure you have that covered already.  LOL!  Hope it's great!
Added: Sunday, December 27, 2009 1:19am
Added: Friday, December 11, 2009 6:36pm

ODD How you bee?  Been so lonmg since I have seen you.  I miss that smart ass of yours

Added: Saturday, August 1, 2009 12:49pm
LOL...Thanks for the comment Comrade Duck...(not often I actually get any "comments" as you may Imagine! lol!!)...Not sure quite how to take it!...Or if it's a good thing! LMAO!....Thanks anyway comrade.

Gr8 (Formerly Gary Barlow in a previous life! GUFFAW...!)
Added: Thursday, July 23, 2009 1:27am
BOO !! 
Added: Wednesday, May 6, 2009 2:28am

I happened to read your blog entries today--you are really funny.  Keep them coming!

Added: Saturday, January 17, 2009 12:21pm

Happy Birthday Ducky!!!!!! xoxoxo I hope you have a great day!! mwwahhhhhhh  - HOT

Added: Saturday, December 27, 2008 7:00am

Merry Christmas, ODD!  Hope 2009 is a great one for you!

Added: Wednesday, December 24, 2008 2:10am
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