nnjheather Srl6221984 sportsman64 lv2fk DANANDTRISH17 bigcris Beckie_M Nelly57 kabouter dijadian J_and_P justforfun1811 Vicky_tv Janni Chrissytslave4u givittome69 RayLeeLynn luuker sandy332000 SexyStudd22 Letsplayxx Rose_Scorpion nastycouple4736 windjam Funones40 cande cameroncrs elle2 Ronnl spark28 BelleNotte girl12767 silverfishbloom veronica8180 Cdvanessatgurl Iwanburbckdoormn CedesBenz Lidia Belindaslut looking4funfor2 PleasurePirate IslandBianca Rcadams1468 kaylamarie SnK2012 M4Mf SugarPie2 UneeklyMe Lordie65 nicknyc69 wannabeme Ticklefun janetjones Twinturbo6922 HOTT2TROT kemolowlow
Male, 64 United States
2,605 mi from you
I do enjoy My leathers.
Erotic chat/email, A discreet relationship, BDSM, Spanking
Everyone wants to know as much as possible about a potential partner. Tell other members more about yourself by filling out the multiple choice questions in the sections below. You can change your answers anytime. When you have completed a section, your profile will get a tick next to that category so others will know you're taking your search seriously.
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Looking for just one..
Men Seeking Women
Do you seek just one Dominant in your life? Are you looking for the One that might be the final one that you will want? Do you have the desire to give your gift of submission to one that knows the value of your gift?
Do you feel that you are missing something that others in the lifestyle have found and not sure what it is but want it? Do you wish to learn the deeper side of the lifestyle and the deeper pleasure that go with that.
If you are not satisfied with just scratching the surface of what the lifestyle is about and want to know just what you might not have yet found in a D/s relationship, then lets talk.
What I am looking for in a submissive is one that will also complete me. That will not just fulfill my needs but will compliment me in all the many ways that a submissive compliments their Dominants. I don't care if you are black, white, asian, or of any other ethnic back ground, body type does not matter to me either, nor does age. Education is not that important either. What matters in the ability of one to have the understanding of their needs and my needs as we take this journey down the road of the lifestyle that we have chosen.
What I seek in a submissive is one that is open to trying new things, one that is willing to learn this deeper side of the lifestyle that gives it the richness and fullness that others don't find in it. One that can hold her own in a general conversation as well. One that has an active and imaginative mind that is willing to think outside of the box.
I challenge you to read my blogs, see what my thinking is on the lifestyle. Read and come to know me in this manner first Then if, this is what you seek, contact me here and lets take a first step of coming to know each other and see where it will lead.
If you wish to contact me, please do so here for a start and see where this leads. If you are a standard member just send Me a tickle and I will respond.
Life is precious and the lifestyle can and does lead to a life in which there is a richness and fullness that cannot be found in the vanilla world. I wish to share this lifestyle with one that seeks to gain that richness and the depth of the mind and body that comes with learning and understanding. Trust, honor, honesty and communications are the corner stones of the life. If this sounds like you and you want what I can teach and give you, then please do contact me. If you are looking for a one night stand, or a casual play partner please pass on this profile and I thank you for stopping by.
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Florida home bought and paid for!!!
Friday, September 21, 2012
W/we finally found the right home in Florida. It's on a saltwater canal with Gulf access and just the right size for now. This week W/we had the closing on it and tomorrow W/we will be driving down to get the keys and drop off a car load of duplicate things that W/we have here!
W/we can't wait to get a couple of the "toys" that W/we want for there. W/we will be getting a moderate boat for the waterways of the area and a "trike" for putting around the area and taking advantage of the year around sun and warmer weather. Looks like it will be a Harley or something of that size for U/us.
Greetings to all that I have missed here and to those that have viewed this blog. I hope that you have enjoyed what I've been writing. I will try to keep it up on a more consistent basis now that things have slowed down somewhat.
In life and leather
Been a while and life has changed somewhat
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Good morning to those that have followed My blogs in the past. It's been about 2 years since I last posted. In that time I've found a lovely submissive and W/we are now at last together full time and living the lifestyle.
I've also become the leader in a local BDSM group that is about 3 years old and growing still. I've also aquired two small Chihuahua's that are rescue dogs and between My submissive and the dogs life is pretty much complete.
In about 2 weeks, W/we will be leaving for a 20 day vacation to Flordia in search of a new home there. W/we've decided to sell both of O/our businesses and semi retire to a warmer clime that suits U/us better whan the mid west winters.
As a result W/we are looking to make new friends in the state. Also a new lifestyle group to attend and help with.
Another little change in life, since she is bi, W/we are now looking for either a bi submissive or a bi slave to complete the household. Life changes and you have to move with it or so it would seem.
As work and life has settled in to a pleasant pace, I intend to take part in the forums again as time allows... it will be good to be back here and converse with all.
In Life and Leather,
it's been a while...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Between life and work it's been a while since I was last on line here. To those that sent Me well wishes, thank you and sorry about the absence.
Here I wish to re-post an article that pretty much sums up some differences that most have asked about. I hope you enjoy this article...
In Life and Leather,
The SM vs. Abuse statement of the ‘98 Leather Leadership Conference.
A group of leaders and activists who attended the Leather Leadership Conference II in NYC in April 1998 compiled the following set of ideals based on established community principles that SM is fundamentally different from ABUSE. The following standards and guidelines are intended to help the law enforcement and social services communities understand the difference between abusive relationships and SM.
SM is the generally accepted term for a complex group of behaviors that involves the consensual giving and receiving of intense erotic sensation and/or intense mental discipline, and it usually involves an exchange of power between the partners. SM is not about unresolved childhood issues of power, shame or the eroticization of violence.
1. The community recognizes the phrase “safe, sane and consensual” as the best brief summary of principles guiding our expression.
2. ”Safe” is being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing. Each participant must be informed about the possible risks, both mental and physical
3. “Sane” is knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. Knowledgeable consent can not be given if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
4. “Consensual” is respecting the limits imposed by each participant. One of the most easily recognized ways to maintain limits is through a safe word which insures the bottom/submissive can end the activity at any time with a word or gesture.
5. These standards and guidelines only pertain to the expression between consenting adults (over the age of 18).
6. Threats are not safe, sane or consensual.
7. Isolation is not safe, sane or consensual. Emotions must be respected including feelings of Jealousy and dissatisfaction, and responsibility for what happens must be accepted and shared between each participant.
1. Use a safe word.
2. Use negotiation.
3. Do not use scenes to express anger or frustration, or to manipulate or give unwanted punishment to one of the participants.
End of conference statement
Abuse - to use wrongly. This is the dictionary meaning of the word but what is abuse really about? It’s about POWER. It’s about one person having power over another. Power to control what they think, power to control what they do, power to use them in any way they see fit, power to make them do something they don’t really want to do, or power to belittle them and beat them up either physically, psychologically or both. You don’t have to beat someone to have power over them.
Abuse - makes one fearful, embarrassed, unsure of themselves, and causes low self esteem. Pretty soon you feel you can’t do anything right. You are afraid to try to do anything but even doing nothing doesn’t work. Doing nothing doesn’t please the abuser either.
In BDSM an abuser can make you feel as if taking more pain than you wish makes you more acceptable. It doesn’t have to be expressed with direct words. It can be done in such a subtle way you don’t even know it is happening.
Abuse will cause you to be withdrawn, timid, depressed, anxious, confused, resentful, defensive. At the same time you will be anxious to please but you just can’t seem to accomplish this. You feel lost and alone. BDSM in a healthy relationship should make you feel good, happy, good about yourself,
relieve tensions. Abuse is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another through fear and intimidation. The abuser thinks he/she is entitled to this kind of control over another. Abuse is violence, BDSM is cathartic. BUT BDSM can be very volatile. The person being abused may feel they should take more, should like it, it will make Master/Mistress happy. BDSM can bring up from the subconscious abuse from earlier in his/her life. BDSM and Abuse both leave marks and even scars BUT Abuse leaves mental scars that may never heal. BDSM does not leave mental scars.
Do not agree to do anything that makes you uncomfortable if you don’t really want to do it. Be able to discuss your scene with the Dominant after you have come down and had time to reflect on it realistically and thoughtfully. It is no share to be abused and there are people out here who want to help you.
NOTE: One should NOT use BDSM to deal with childhood trauma. It can be very dangerous. It could trigger reactions no one is ready or able to deal with.
BDSM - what is BDSM? It is a power exchange so BDSM is about power, too. BUT BDSM should not make you feel fearful, depressed, timid, anxious, resentful or defensive. BDSM should be done with love and with great care. Abuse is done because the abuser is afraid. Afraid the person being abused will leave them so they make them stay by making them feel no one else will want them. Abuse is done so that the abuser can feel better about him/herself. It may make him/her feel tough, like a big shot, powerful. There is a really fine line between BDSM and Abuse. In BDSM there can be a really thin line between what is healthy and what is not, what is abuse and what is scening. It is very hard to see abuse while you are in an abusive relationship. The bottom line is if it doesn’t help you grow, if it doesn’t make you feel good, if you exhibit some of the signs of abuse such as depression or sonfusion, if you are doing something just to please someone else but it hurt you (either physically &/or mentally), then it is abuse. At lease take a step back for a while and look at the situation. Talk to someone you can trust about it. Have an open mind when someone
reflects something back to you. A relationship, even a BDSM one, can not be based on fear. If your relationship causes fear, then it is not a healthy one. A relationship should be based on respect and caring for each other. You must have communication and understanding and patience.
Minimizing, denying and blaming - these tactics enforce the idea already prevalent in society that whatever harm comes to a woman is her own fault. In our society it means what harm comes to a submissive/slave is her own fault. The Dominant may use Dom privilege as an excuse. They use coercion, threats and intimidation to cause emotional abuse which is the foundation of all other behaviors against an abused person. (Such as “if you safe word I won’t play with you anymore”.)
In domestic violence or physical abuse there are bruises, abrasions, lacerations, injuries and other things that make one aware of the possibility of violence. In our community this could mean the submissive had a GREAT time. If you have mental anguish, meaning a state of emotional pain or distress resulting from an activity of a Dominant then you need to stop and reassess the situation. If the intent of the activity is to threaten or intimidate, to cause sorrow or fear, to humiliate or ridicule then the situation needs to be reassessed. Now you KNOW I am not talking about sessioning with certain negotiated guidelines being followed.
I am not saying Abuse is prevalent in BDSM. I am saying it is easy for it to happen and you won’t even be aware of it. I’m saying to just be aware. There are people from all walks of life in BDSM. From professionals to housewives, from rich and poor, from the strong to the weak, and assuredly there will be abusers within our community somewhere, at some point, some how.
Questions to ask yourself
These are questions you should ask yourself in order to be aware of abuse.
If someone says “if you keep reacting that way I won’t want to play with you anymore”. That is not acceptable. If you act or react in a way that says “this is not working for me” or “this is upsetting me” then talk about it but don’t be intimidated. If a Dominant doesn’t want to play with you anymore because of your reactions then he/she isn’t the one for you.
If a Dominant says “you like this don’t you” and you DON’T like it, say so. If the Dominant doesn’t want to play with you anymore because of this, then he/she isn’t the one for you.
If a Dominant says “if you safe word we will stop but that will be the end of our sessions together”, then he/she isn’t the one for you.
If something doesn’t feel good, if you don’t like something, if something doesn’t feel right then say so. Talk, communicate to the Dominant. If it ends the scening or the relationship then he/she isn’t the one for you.
Does your partner ever hit, choke, or otherwise hurt you outside of a scene?
Has your partner ever restrained you against your will?
Are you afraid of your partner?
Are you confused about when a scene begins and ends?
Has your partner violated your limits or your trust?
Does your partner constantly criticize your performance or ridicule you for the limits you set?
Do you feel obligated to do something you may not want to do?
Is your partner constantly criticizing you, humiliating you, and generally undermining your self-esteem?
Does your partner use scenes to express/cover anger and frustration?
Do you feel you can’t discuss with your partner what is bothering you?
Do you sometimes feel scared of how the Dominant will act, of what the Dominant will do?
Do you find yourself making excuses for the Dominant’s behavior?
Do you feel as if no matter what you do the Dominant is never happy with you?
Does your Dominant put down your accomplishments or goals or act as sif you have no accomplishments?
Does the Dominant pressure you for BDSM “things” that you may not be ready for?
Does the Dominant use “pushing limits” as an excuse to push you farther than you want to go/
Is your consent asked for or given?
Are you able to withdraw consent and stop what is happening at any time?
Are your needs and limits respected?
Do you feel good after a scene?
Is your relationship based on honesty, trust and respect?
Are you able to express feelings of guilt or jealousy or unhappiness?
Are you free to talk to and discuss things with people if you should desire to do so?
These questions along with the other signs of being in an abusive relationship such as depression, confusion, etc. should lead you in the right direction. A Dominant should never hit in anger, scene in anger and unless previously negotiated a Dominant should NEVER mix scening with punishment.
The last words I have are - if you suspect abuse, if you need someone to talk to, if you are depressed or unhappy…….talk to someone you trust. Good luck and happy hurting.
Patience, searching and finding...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
While in the midst of my own search for the one that I will call Mine, many I have found that are looking as well are at the end of their patience for their search. I have written on this once before and it warrants one more time speaking to the virtue of having the patience to find that right one.
Yes, you might have to kiss a lot frogs on the way to find your O/one, but, with out the journey and the chase you might not find that right O/one. Be introspective on what you are looking for, know what you want in O/one and don't settle for less. Know what what you are looking for is an achievable goal. Don't sent your standards so high that no one will qualify as a potential. I have read many profiles and some, not on this site, but others, are very unrealistic. They specify height, weight, eye color, hair color, other physical attributes of that "ideal" person. What they don't speak to is the persons mind, their thought process or just how compatible they are with the one that is looking for this ideal person.
I have also noted that on lot of the profiles here that those that are in the lifestyle don't come right out and make note of it. How can you hope to find someone with like interests/kinks if you don't put it out there for them to find? Granted, that not all will like what they read and that is their challenge. You are who you are and those that are like minded need to know those basic facts or they will move on to another profile and not take the time to look at yours in depth.
I think the only area on My profile that is not complete is the voice recording and for some reason I cannot get that to record. I enjoy reading others profiles and learning about them and their life. While this is a way to get to know some quickly it is not the full person. In this electronic media, one can only come to know someone else in a very limited way. Here again patience is needed if it's to be kept to this one media. The natural extension to this would be the phone and then meeting a person. Again, patience is needed and taking time to come to know this person is a must.
While W/we all want to find that right one and W/we all want that "NOW", practice that patience and know that when the time is right it will happen. About a year ago, a submissive that I was mentoring was in the same situation. Then one day she was on facebook and became "friends" with another that was 1/2 way across the U.S. from her. After about 5 months of talking and one trip to meet him, she moved to where he lived and in another 2 months were married. she found what she was looking for when and where she least expected it. It can and does happen.
I know that the right one for Me is out there and I may have already spoken to her or chatted with her. I just need to be patient and take the time to come to know her better. Consider this; the chase is only part of the fun, the rest come in learning the other one... and then the deeper part of the lifestyle will come to you, the part that many have been looking for and wanting for so long. May you find this one now.
In Life and Leather,
How to learn Ones submissive
Friday, June 11, 2010
Many speak of "the scene" or playing with ones submissive. How many take the time to come to know there submissive and their bodies as well as they know their own?
With out that intimate knowledge of them, which stems for taking the time to learn what they are about, what they like, don't like, love and what their limits are, you cannot construct a scene or play time that will give each what they need.
Do you take time to just sit and talk to you submissive? Do you take time to learn what has brought them to the understanding of their nature? Have you sought out the deeper thoughts that have come to then when they first come to understand that they were submissive and what it meant to them?
When just sitting together or laying together, do you take time to just reach out and stroke then in a way that will give you a reaction? Do you watch for that reaction or take the time to learn that just a touch under and behind the ear will send shivers down them and goosebumps to form on their arms? Do you watch and listen for that little sigh that was almost inaudible at a simple touch?
When you are out and at a function or at a party, do you watch your submissive to see how she is reacting to attention that she is getting from others and to watch for signs that she might need you? Do you keep her in sight and know that she is also watching you to see that you are pleased with her/his conduct at this function?
Do you watch her/him as they enter a room when you have not seen them in a while for the day or for a period of time to assess their body language and see if there is a physical problem that you might need to attend to before going on with what ever activities are planned? Do you know what to look for if they have a need to just sit and talk for a while?
If you answer no to any of these questions, then perhaps you might need to take the time to learn the art of listening, observing and talking to your submissive in a new light. You will get subtle clues from him/her in many ways. How those are presented are as individual as the person that you are involved with.
The cornerstones of the lifestyle are Truth, Trust, Communications and Consensual play..
Trust in what your submissive tells you, know that it is the truth, talk with them and I don't mean talk at them. Good honest communications will do more for a scene and a relationship than anything else. Above all other things, learn to listen and absorb what you are hearing. Ask questions, the only dumb questions is one that you already know the answer to. Learn to trust you instincts about your submissive, to do this you need to learn them first.
In law enforcement there is always the "Who, What, When, Where, Why and How" of anything. Come to make those questions ever present when you need to ask questions and before you ever act on anything. Be observant of body language. If you don't understand the art of reading body language, learn! It at times will give you very subtle clues that you need as a Dominant to understand your submissive on a deeper level. Body language will broadcast to you things that he or she might not be willing to bring up in conversation and it will be up to you to see these clues and to get what ever it is out in the open and talked about.
Become a well trained observer of human nature. Learn to truly listen when someone is speaking. One can learn a lot about body language and human nature by just sitting in a mall and "people watching". Many times I have been at malls or in a casino and I take the time to just sit and watch people as they interact with others that they are with. Learn to see those interaction in a way that you don't see now.
I was fortunate in that the USAF trained me to read body language, they taught me to ask those questions that many forget. I learned to listen to what someone was saying and how they were saying it and not just taking it at face value but looking deeper into it and how it was said.
Many get to focused on just one area of the lifestyle and they forget the big picture. It's not all about kink or sex, it's also about a real live relationship that takes on a life of it's own when worked at. Using the tools of the mind, the eyes and your voice can and will deepen that relationship and bring to you a deeper understanding of your submissive. Also, using those tools will tell you more about your submissive than 15 minutes of talk ever will. If you open your eyes, your mind and yourself to what they are saying and showing you as you talk.
Learn your submissive by talking to them, asking questions, touching them in their mind as well as the body. Learn their moods, learn their desires, again all done by using the senses that you have at hand.
Remember that your mind, your eyes, your voice and your powers of observation are all the tools that are needed for this. These are free to you to use. Make use of them and when you do, you will be rewarded in ways that you have yet to understand.
Learning is something that we all do on a daily basis. The day that we stop learning is the day that we die. There are many sites on the net that will help you with body language, others that will help you with the art of real and meaningful communications. Find ways to become more observant in all aspects of your life, it too will pay off in ways that you would never expect. But, never jump to conclusions. Ask those questions of yourself and of them... and then make your decisions. Be informed, be fair, be observant and know yourself. Know your inner thoughts and desires and use these tools to find just how to apply what you have learned.
These tools and taking the time to learn your submissive as well as you know yourself will give you a different outlook on them and on life in general. You will see things that you never have before and you will be surprised as well as rewarded.
In Life and Leather,
I enjoyed the city greatly and had the opportunity to go to the High Art Museum to view the Dali exhibit. WOW!! Great! Then one quick trip downtown to the Hard Rock Cafe..
Other than that, it was major work for Me. I picked up the equivalent of 30 units of school in one week... 12 hour days were a bit much but it was good to get it done and over with.
Added: Friday, September 24, 2010 7:50am
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