Female, 55   United States
Saint Louis
Missouri, USA
2,805 mi from you
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5' 2"
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Erotic chat/email, A discreet relationship, Casual sex, A long term relationship, Just penpals, Spanking
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Capture my mind --
BBW seeking men
You'll have to capture my mind before you can capture my body, because I believe that the mind is the ultimate turn on. I value intelligence and wit above size or erotica. Are you up to the challenge?

I'm a BBW, with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, 5'2". Fun to be with? That's for you to decide. A sharp wit and intelligence will keep you on your toes for sure.

I'm separated -- but that means I have to work to keep my roof over my head, so nooners are decidedly out for me. I've considered being a kept woman, but then decided that it's just too hard to explain on a resume.... not to mention the references would be a little awkward.

I love life and all it offers. I see my glass as half full of champagne.

I like a man who is intelligent and comfortable in conversation, who's as at home in his suit as he is in his jeans. I like a man who can smile, relax and be himself.

Age is immaterial to me -- however, honesty and reliability are paramount. If I don't float your boat, tell me so. Life goes on.

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Tuesday Update
the sweet view
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Just a thought
Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I love the changing seasons.

I love seeing the trees begin to bud, and the snowdrops valiantly bloom in a lawn of brown sleeping Zoysia.

I love how the crocuses give way to tulips who give way to lilies.

I love how mozzarella cheese gets stretchy and stringy after its cooled down on a pizza.

I love how snowflakes dance on the pavement before settling on the ground.

I love holding hands.

I love digging my toes into the sand at the beach, and smelling the saltiness of the ocean as a sea breeze comes ashore.

I love how my cat tickles my nose with her whiskers.

I love kissing.

I love life, and all of the surprises it offers.

I love men, and all of the surprises they offer.

I love the feel of a man's body.

I love being an optimist.

I love being a woman.

Posted at 9:12pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
A New Year, A New Adventure
Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Every day life brings an adventure, whether it's getting to work on time, flying halfway across the country for a meeting, meeting new people, or finding a new place to live.

This will be an adventure.

With the change of the year, I've been sorting through things and packing, trying to decide how much of this old life I need to take with me -- files, books, etc. I have too much junk, the accumulation of  ten years in this place, thirteen years of marriage, and forty-four years of life. My husband and I have each found apartments and within a couple of weeks, surely before January is finished, we will be in our own places, beginning new lives.

Pretty heady stuff.

I've already chatted with some men who are looking forward to seeing my new digs -- I haven't decided anything yet, not even the color of my sheets, so deciding who's coming home with me is not really high on my priorities list yet. I want to be spoiled for a while.....

So, goodbye 2007.

Welcome, 2008. May it bring the things that bring that special gleam to our eyes.



Posted at 8:47pm (MST) | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Report Post
Tuesday Morning - The Sweet View
Tuesday, December 25, 2007

On the good news front -- the people who want to buy our house have sold theirs (or have a contract offer on it) and we can proceed with the sale of ours.

On the not-so-good news front -- with the sale of our house, my husband and I will be getting separate apartments.

Everyone's life is complicated: it's just the degree of complexity and how we manage it that determines whether we're functional or basket cases. In my case, my marriage has been winding down for a while, and as long as we lived in the same house, we could maintain an illusion of normalcy. And my husband could maintain a hope of reconciliation.

With the sale of the house, all of that has been stripped away. Do I want to continue sharing a house with him? Do I want to continue this FWB illusion we've been maintaining? Do I want to remain tied to this house -- which is far too big for the two of us anyway?

Briefly, after some tearful "discussion" with my husband, I thought about calling the agent back and saying, "No, you guys didn't meet the contingency, the deal's off." I explained to my husband that yes, I could see us trying again, but what I really, really, REALLY needed was to be able to rely on him, that he'd follow through with the things he'd said he'd do. And he said he'd work on that, and we each agreed to stop seeing the people we were seeing.

And then we went shopping. Actually, I went shopping -- I've been so busy at work, I hadn't done my Christmas shopping, and I decided to do it all at this one place. I told my husband that I wouldn't be long, that I'd call him when I was done.

And I did.

I called him three times inside of fifteen minutes, and he never answered his cell phone. I went into a restaurant and ordered an iced tea, called him one last time saying that if I didn't hear from him, I was calling a taxi home. Halfway through my iced tea, he happened to be walking by, and I tapped on the glass. He came inside, and wanted to know why I hadn't called him.

He checked his phone and found he had left it on "silent."

So much for reliability.

So on Sunday, he told our stepdaughter, who dis-invited me to Christmas brunch, which is where he is now.

I feel a sense of sadness, knowing this chapter of my life is ending, but it's time, so I look to the New Year with anticipation and a little fear. There's a lot of new ground to cover. I have not lived alone for over fifteen years -- it will be an adventure, but one I'm looking forward to.


Posted at 10:14am (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
This Is What I Wrote
Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I really needed to talk to you, either Saturday or Sunday night.

I've been upset, crying, practically banging my head against a wall --- Steve and I went shopping yesterday, and found his leather jacket, at the Mills, of all places.

I thought about the night we went to the movies and I thought about our lunches together. I thought about not being able to go to the Blackhawks game in the box because Jessica and her husband will most likely be there. I thought about how we can't talk to each other on the phone, or IM openly. I thought about the fact that I can't really give you a Christmas gift that's special and heartfelt -- it has to be innocuous and anonymous so as not to call attention to itself.

And as I thought about all these things, I just started crying, in the middle of the Mills. I love you so much. I wish you could understand how much my heart aches right now. I see all the things we can't do together -- even simple things like look at Christmas lights -- and I know, oh god I don't want to say this, I know that "Someday" isn't coming. "When my kids are grown," is so ambiguous, so open ended -- 18? 21? Married?

So I've been crying. I opened myself up and fell in love, but Steve's right: I'd leave him in a heartbeat if you wanted me to. But not the other way, it wouldn't happen. And that's all right. You're a wonderful man. Be strong for your kids, be the dad they need, be the dad I know you are. Reconnect with your wife: please, please, give it another chance.

Or let it go.

Or let me go. I'm not strong enough to do this; I can't put my love and my life on hold in hopes that "Someday" might come about someday -- and it just hurts too much to have to hide the love I feel for you.

What do I want? I wanted you to log on and talk me out of this. I wanted you to reassure me that I'm premenstrual and hormonally insane. I wanted you to hold me and tell me that it's all my imagination. But most of all, I wanted to know that "Someday" has a definite meaning for you, a definite place in your plans, a definite when in your mind.

Please know that I love you so deeply, so desperately, that it leaves me breathless from its intensity, and that a part of me will always be your Susie.

Posted at 5:55pm (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
Christmas Songs
Sunday, December 16, 2007

It's Sunday afternoon, less than ten days before Christmas: Crunch time for a lot of us for gift-shopping, house-decorating, and cookie baking.

Like a lot of us home doing the baking, I have a Christmas-music station on the radio. I keep meaning to start doing the baking, but my mind is elsewhere: on the man I've been seeing.

He is my Complication.

I love him so much my heart feels like its bursting from my chest, but with that love, comes the realization that this is impossible. He's married. My profile says I'm married too, but my marriage is ending.... but him, he is married. We won't spend Christmas with one another, or New Year's Eve. We can't even openly talk on the phone.

I sent my Complication a Christmas song -- Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas (Is You)."  Then I started to listen to the songs -- really listen to them -- and began to wonder why are so many of them so sad? Is it because they're such an intregal part of the whole Season of Expectations? We expect the tree to be trimmed perfectly, we expect the cookies not to burn, we expect our partners/spouses/friends to know what the perfect gift should be. When our expectations are not met, we feel deflated, lost, empty.

I expected to have a no-strings-attached fling.  Instead, I met a man who makes me feel safe and secure and whole, yet the same emptiness that comes from not having our expectations met haunts me now, because I can't share the season with him. Many of the holiday songs remind me that we're in separate houses.

Would I go back to when I didn't know him? No. He's enriched my life tremendously, and I can never thank him enough for that. But it's time to look forward. I have never put my life -- nor my love -- on hold for anyone, and the future won't wait for me. I will meet it and anyone who is in it with a happy smile and a firm handshake.

Stay tuned.

Posted at 12:06pm (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
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