alura
Female, 52   United States
Female
Anderson
California, USA
2,547 mi from you
52
Single
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2010
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5' 0"
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Straight
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Erotic chat/email, Just penpals, Friends
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Love to Laugh
Women seeking Friends
The meek shall inherit the earth... if thats ok with you guys. :)
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Love to Laugh
I occasionally write stories, I usually post them in the story section of the sight, but occasionally I will post a shorter story here.
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Crying Laughing
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
THIS IS HYSTERICAL!

(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A HOOT!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on..........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the
waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of
those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them
apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
hair right off .

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.

My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot
water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH
MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!

It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she
hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL
OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing
hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Posted at 11:28am (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
Centerist?
Friday, October 12, 2012
My daughter came home from school yesterday and asked me..."Are you a Republican or Democrat?"
Now mind you, this is no cute little girl question that I could just push aside, she is no longer 6 yrs old. This was a question from a 17 yr old, soon to be an 'adult'. To top it off, she is taking American Government during her senior year in High School. She required an honest and thought out answer.
I asked her if I could tell her after dinner. Then as I cooked and cleaned I thought about it. About an hour later, I told her that I was registered Independent, but that I didn't think that it meant what it used to, and that I probably wasn't Independent anymore. Then told her that I think I fall somewhere in the middle. While I believe in ProChoice, and I think that there are ways to make our planet greener, at the same time I don't think we should put good honest hardworking people out of work and onto the welfare lines because of an Owl. There were a few other things I said that put me smack dab in the middle of party lines ( I'm not getting into a political debate here).
She informed me that I am a "Centerist", what the heck...
I have have never heard of this term before. Am I sadly undereducated? Or is this a new term?
I think I need to learn some more before I start toting around a 'Centerist for President' sign, but it is looking good for now. :P
Posted at 11:22am (MST) | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Report Post
Fingertips exploring
Friday, August 10, 2012
Fingertips on hot skin
sliding the softest expanse
down the back with warm chills
then on to a forward advance

Circling aching rose tips
growing to follow the fingers' retreat
tautly pulled into sensitive torture
boldly waiting for a repeat

Traveling down love's highway
tickling, teasing oh so slow
finally reaching the portal
that's shuttered, but never closed

Opening slick double doors
to the honeyed inferno within
dancing on and in the fire
waiting for the flood to begin

Ahhh, blessed release of moisture
coating fingers and hand like dew
but the fire does not diminish
as they start their assault anew.
Posted at 4:55pm (MST) | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Report Post
Name that submissive?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011

It is obvious that "subby" and "subbies" are considered to be offensive, demeaning, or ucky by some here. I therefore present, as a public service, my list of . . .
TOP TEN NICKNAMES FOR A FEMSUB

10. Stripedy -Assed Strumpet
9. Subarino
8. Paddle Princess
7. Fluffy Butt
6. Maso-tastic
5. Flogette
4. Spank-a-licious
3. Eileen Dover
2. Pansy-Fanny and
1. Little Miss Ouchy Buns



Posted at 11:38pm (MST) | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Report Post
All tied up with nowhere to go
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
~~~~bound~~~~

I'll tell you what she wants
she who seeks to be bound
she wants your aggression
to be pushed down
hear the sounds of her shirt buttons
as they scatter on the floor
she wants you to take her
to tie her, to consume her
Do you know why?
she submits to you
because she wants to lose herself
to sink into a world
of no pressures, no decisions
the singular objective: pleasure
she wants you to take what you want
she wants to pushed to the limit
and loved gently
all in the same dream
this is the passion she seeks
when she begs to please
she wants to be tortured
she wants to be teased
Deep in her soul
she wants to lose control
this passionate climax is found
when she is bound
Posted at 10:45pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
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Just finished reading your blogs...and I have one thing to say to you...whatever you do...PLEASE...Do Not Lose Your Sense Of Humor...be it Silly, or Sexy...you have made me laugh, and stirred some naughty...um...urges from within, but still, your blogs are flat out fun...Thank You for sharing!


Added: Sunday, June 30, 2013 1:10pm
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog :)
Added: Monday, August 20, 2012 1:52am
just thinking of you babe.
DM


Added: Thursday, November 17, 2011 8:36pm
  And thank you


Added: Thursday, October 13, 2011 3:31am
a lady after my own heart.  one that writes from the heart  wanting to experience it all
Added: Monday, September 26, 2011 5:44am
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