Male, 50   Ireland
South Dublin, Ireland
2,968 mi from you
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5' 10"
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I've been asked at times what I get out of being a dominant, or out of being in a dominant position over my partner. It's not easy to get it all across because to some extent it's like explaining sex to a virgin but I'll try here, from a personal perspective.
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On the surface level, there are some obvious things I enjoy:

* having the power to command - this reflects in so many ways and because I am responsible about it, makes life so smooth for everyone in the household;
* the thrilling obedience that is offered willingly;
* the sub's eagerness to serve - this goes far beyond a mere willingness to obey;
* the adoration (I should be so lucky ;-) ) of the one I command;
* the level of trust that builds up and is, I feel, only possible in this kind of relationship.

Being dominant isn't just about authority - those who think it is typically get labelled 'abusive', 'arrogant' and the like and won't hold down a relationship with anyone other than a doormat. With authority must come equal responsibility. I like to have responsibility. Not that I can't load plenty on my head any time I want but that authority/responsibility over a person whom I help to develop, improve, serve me and satisfy me, satisfies something deep inside of me. It might be akin to the feeling of parenting but has a sexual/sensual basis.
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I might be considered by some people to be a control freak but for me, it's about much more than giving orders (instructions/requests, call them what you will), which of course I will do. My domination tends to be quite subtle and training takes a time because I am far more interested in delving into my subs head, affecting their belief patterns so that they change their behaviour, rather than only ordering them to change their behaviour, without understanding what they thinking or feel. If you don't intuitively understand any of this, don't forget that it is all consensual: my sub is knowingly and willingly partaking in the process and will understand that I do not intend any harm. That's why I usually seek for a person wanting to be a slave (I'm married at the time of writing): I don't want any restriction to my access to their mind. Yes, you read right - it's not just their body I want :)
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Dominance and submission (D/s) has always been a part of my life, both my greatest torment when not understood by either myself and those I shared my thoughts with, and finally the source of greatest contentment and pride when I finally realized how beautiful and loving an exchange it is.
In a way, it is impossible to describe or explain it to another unless that person has the creativity and capacity to see its full potential to draw two people so close together that *everything* they have inside of them can be revealed and that is when they can be loved unconditionally and completely.

The only rule to d/s is that there are no rules. What each sub wants is different and takes varying forms. I am writing this with a particular sub in mind, and that is the kind of woman who is so full of love that she longs to give herself unreservedly to her Master. It is written for those women who want to enjoy the sensual pleasures of being spanked (and more!) and who want to be disciplined when they do not meet their own personal goals and the guidelines for behavior set by their Master.
In my conversations with submissive women, one thing stands out prominently and that is very very few men realize the importance that submission holds for her. It is far more than a physical experience, it is an emotional connection with you so meaningful that it contains her very soul.
Though d/s is often very light and spontaneous and sometimes treated as a special sensual playtime, for her it is what is most real in her life. It is NOT a game. To treat it as such is to do her a great injustice for it trivializes her greatest expression of love.
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Submission is Erotic
Before I get lost in some of the reasons why being submissive is such a powerful desire, I want to make the point that being submissive is extremely erotic. It touches her sexuality in the most powerful way and when combined with all the mental, emotional and physical aspects of a relationship, it can often be the most sexually intense and emotionally fulfilling experience a woman can ever have.
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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Originally, it takes courage to consider slavery because it sounds to us like it is so far from the ordinary. And, first off, anyone who doesn't feel successful isn't even qualified to become a slave, because being slave is the final and highest level of consciousness, it is the acceptance of destiny.

It is easy to give everything up when there isn't anything to give up. It is, however, a real challenge to risk anything when everything is going well for you, everything except for being who you are, except for having your integrity.

Once the courage is found to begin the pursuit of slavery, a method to begin has to be discovered. Some advertise and spend a night or a weekend at a time with someone who has mutual interests in providing the slave environment. Others pay for the experience by the hour from professionals. Others research, and find a safe and supportive environment for a weekend where they can be with many others at the same time, such as at Butchmann's Academy.

When those who are slave are first exposed to real slavery, when they have a chance to experience and consider slavery as a possible life, there is a tremendous elation and a tremendous release. The hole in our life that has become bigger and bigger over time feels as though it might have a "cure." It feels as though there might really be a solution to what is missing from our life.

Phase 1. Acknowledging that there is something real and satisfying in our lives that has been suppressed by our self control.

Our lives are a tremendous investment. A lot of bumps and bruises, many attempts and failures, and finally, personal, ego-driven success has been experienced. We deny ourselves the easy way to make it to success. We do what those we respect have told us to do to achieve. We do many things that no one else has supported us in, but that worked out anyway. The success is our pride.

If we are healthy, it doesn't feel like the effort was wasted. There might be some regrets. We might have gone without a childhood. We might have denied our gay sexuality. We might have lived like we were straight, without even the enjoyment of our fetishes or non-standard heterosexual passions. We have acted ordinary, when we aren't.

When the light starts coming in the window, it feels wonderful. We think that we are through having to experience anything negative. We hope that it will all be down hill from here. We feel we might have reached the end of trials and tribulations. Life is now going to be as easy as putting on a pair of handcuffs; easier, because someone else will put them on.

Phase 2. Realizing that we have to let go of our facades and the images we have built.

It has taken a long time to realize our current success. It has hurt us to have to live in the slave closet and keep up the smiles and faked excitement in our lives while our secret interests have haunted us. It seems like good news that we can let go of all of that.

When we start to let go of that which we thought we hated doing for all these years something strange happens. We learn that the lies and deceit protected us. Our pride is even, partially, a product of how well we were able to manage the unmanageable. It's uncomfortable for us to let go of what we thought we detested or disliked doing. It has become a part of who we are.

The people who know and love us have come to expect a certain consistency from us. If we begin to change, we rationalize that it will undermine the security that others feel from us because we are so predictable. Even if we can face our own fears regarding the loss of a self image that we have come to respect along with others who have come to respect us, we reason that we must hold on to the lies for the family and friends we have accumulated and developed over time.

We find an internal objection to doing what we thought we have wanted to do all our life. It isn't as simple as we expected. It requires overcoming even more challenges that all those that made us successful, and in which we take such pleasure and satisfaction.

Phase 3. We are faced with making the biggest decision of our life.

The most basic of all sales theory is that we buy when the reasons to buy outweigh the reasons not to. Like any balance scale, we collect the reasons to buy on one side of the scale and the reasons not to on the other. When making a decision, we collect the reasons to proceed on one side of the scale and the reasons not to on the other.

The reasons to become slave include because it opens us up to a part of our lives that has been hidden and suppressed. Other reasons are that it provides an improved environment from which we can sexually express ourselves, and that it gives us a way to belong, to feel a part of a community that is more specifically ours.

On the "reasons not to buy" side, we know that it is going to change our life. All change has associated stress. Everyone we know is going to have to change their perception of us, decide whether they are now going to accept us, and many are going to criticize us. Life is never going to be the same, and we don't know how it is going to be. There will be more unknown, than known.

The further we get into the process of identifying both the reasons to become slave, and the reasons not to become slave, we find that there are many reasons not to. Finally, we see the list of reasons to become slave is relatively short, and that many of those reasons sound selfish.

Phase 4. Recognizing that there isn't sufficient reason to become slave without a strong belief in the spiritual imperative of life.

There isn't enough fun, enough excitement, enough sexual satisfaction to justify giving up our current life for slavery. There has to be a bigger reason to become slave. What we naively associate with being slave can be acquired on the weekend, from those who are also satisfied by giving their attention, and interest for two days without feeling any responsibility for the remainder of the slave's life.

Every conceivable benefit won't raise the stakes to the point that giving your life to slavery is worthwhile without adding to that list the fulfillment of our created purpose. There are many other alternatives such as becoming a regular SM practitioner, or finding a lover who likes to play. If we aren't ready to give our life to slavery, we can't become slave. It isn't that we become poor slaves, we don't become slaves at all.

Phase 5. Accepting that being slave is about unqualified obedience.

Slavery can occur only after all limitations of what will be done with our lives, and which areas of our life will be released to the authority we recognize are eliminated. There is no such thing as partial slavery. We live as we must live, in moral certainty, and without the possibility of moral failure, or our slavery isn't granted to us. Our slavery remains a moving target that we can't reach without unqualified surrender to obedience.

The Universe is the only decider of who and when someone becomes slave. No man has ever been entrusted with that decision. Neither the man who might be slave, nor the one who develops him can decide that someone will now be slave. No one will ever become slave by accident, prematurely, or in error.

Obedience is doing what the Universe wants us to do. We have to recognize that life isn't about us, and never was. Ånd, of course, it never will be.

The confusion occurs when we try to take credit for the spiritual investment the Universe has made in us. The spirit can't act through us until we are qualified to have it work through us. So, it has given us the education, I.Q., and environmental influences necessary to to become qualified.

If, after becoming qualified by the spirit, we egotistically claim credit for all that the spirit has done for us, we have pride we don't deserve, and we act as though we are trying to steal the result of the spiritual investment. We have no such right, and it should be no surprise that life is difficult and unfulfilling when we are egotistic, and in pursuit of what we egotistically want.

Accepting our destiny, becoming obedient, to surrender or not, is the only real choice we have. It is a question of letting the spirit have its purpose.

Are you going to give the spirit its purpose? Is it worth it?

It is the only question that matters, and will be the hardest to make. When you feel you have more to gain than to lose, you will proceed with your slavery. So long as you feel you have more to lose than you have to gain, you won't proceed. It's that simple, and that straight forward.

The answer comes in knowing the value and purpose of the spirit. The pursuit of slavery is the experience of all the right things we need to experience to gain sufficient information to make this one, single decision.

Look forward to, and invite into your life everything, so that you will finally know what you need to know to decide what to do with your spirit's life.
Posted at 1:55am (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
A slave or Servant?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Some use “Master” and some use “Owner”. These thoughts are about a slave, and are from a slave’s perspective only regarding slaves. Here these terms are used interchangeably.

Slavery is about having no options, about being totally owned and operated. A slave is not a free man who has decided to grant services to a Master. A slave does not even seek to please a Master. Seeking to please is a concern of the ego. Seeking to please is just one more way for the ego to say: “See, I’m good!” But a slave feels no such concerns. A slave understands that the ego is what stands in the way of true slavery and of the authentic connection to the Master or Owner. The ego is the enemy of slavery, so seeking to please a Master automatically destroys slavery.

Any slave granting a Master services rather than obeying is a servant, not a slave. Slaves do not grant services, they obey. Any Master who has found a man who “slaves” for him, who calls him “Master” and runs around serving him all day, is not a Master, but merely a recipient of voluntary services. Masters do not simply receive, they give commands.

A slave seeks only one thing: obedience, to be trapped into obedience so that no sense of choice clouds its heart, mind and spirit, an obedience so strong that the slave IS obedience, and that the slave becomes One with the Owner, an intimacy so great and powerful that no other pleasure in life need exist.

Some may suggest that being so obedient means being mindless, but this is not the case. Obedience means having no selfish thoughts of one’s own and listening with ears, heart and spirit for any order given, and any order given may require that the slave make great use of mental powers, although they are used in obedience rather than to achieve the objectives of the ego.

Just obey, and real slavery follows. Just serve, and there is no slavery because no one is Master.
As always.....Comments welcome. 
Posted at 11:59am (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
many women have confided in me that they are afraid of the intensity of their sexual energy. They fear they should they reveal the full extent of their sexual excitement at being a sub they will not be understood. Often, the smallest of looks or commands will leave them drenched with sexual excitement. As her Master, it should be your pleasure to extract each nuance of sexual pleasure from her

When she gives herself to you completely, she is also giving you the freedom to explore the depths of her sexuality and passion, to take her places she cannot go herself, to have experiences she probably cannot ask for. She is depending on you, her Master, to give her the push to get beyond any resistance you may encounter.
Getting past resistance is where your strength and understanding as a dom is essential. If you back off instead of encouraging her onward (by spank or by praise) she will not be able to explore the depths of herself. She needs your unconditional love and support to feel safe to go where she cannot go alone. As you sexually open her body to you, you are also opening her heart and soul.
Though changing rapidly, most women have been raised to be ashamed of their sexual feelings. Being with a dom who treasures a woman’s natural sexuality enough to go far beyond where most stop is an extremely liberating experience for her. It also touches upon her desire to be able to reveal herself as she truly is as you help her by removing her falsely imposed conditioning. Even if she cannot ask, it is important to understand that the sub *wants* to overcome her resistance as much as the dom wants her to.
Posted at 1:59am (MST) | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Report Post

Just peeking in...and wanted to say i'm enjoying your blogs.
Keep up the good work.
i'm a subbie....and always find other people's ideas about the lifestyle fascinating and educational.
Alot of people dont have a clue about bdsm or the "lifestyle", so i take it all in stride. i know "its" not for everyone, and not everyone is going to understand nor accept it...and thats each their own i say.

Wishing you a great day.

~ naughty

Added: Thursday, May 20, 2010 11:20am
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