roryandmrsmac
Couple, 51   Australia
Couple
Yango
NSW, Australia
8,422 mi from you
51
Single
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5' 0" / 5' 3"
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Erotic chat/email, A discreet relationship, Casual sex
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to all beautiful women
It's BEAUTIFUL Women Month i got this sent to me and thought it was so lovely that i should share it!
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the outhouse
Friday, February 26, 2010

 

 

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

 

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

 

Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

 

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"

 

"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

 

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!

 

"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

 

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

 

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

 

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

 

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?!"  

Posted at 4:50am (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
why she had to change motel rooms
Sunday, October 18, 2009

Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt ... you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call.


"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"

 
He says, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
Posted at 11:50pm (MST) | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Report Post
when girls dont put out!!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
When girls don't put out!! This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Please have a sense of humour! I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.. 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man..' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit' We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Posted at 11:27pm (MST) | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Report Post
cowboys honeymoon
Saturday, May 9, 2009
      Cowboy's Honeymoon


  
A cowboy and his new wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The cowboy approached the front desk and asked for a room. 
  
He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed.   

The clerk winked, 'You want the ‘Bridal’?' 
  
The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied, 
  
Nope, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it.'

Posted at 8:50pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
Installing a husband
Saturday, April 25, 2009
 
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the
overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and
Personal Attention 6.5
, and then installed undesirable programs such as:
ARL 5.0

AFL 3.0

and
Golf Clubs 4.1
.
Conversation 8.0
no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed
Desperate
………………………

………………………..
…………………………
Dear Desperate
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above applications can cause Husband 1.0 to default to
Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0
or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the
F
# rting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-in-Law 1.0
(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported
Applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn
New applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
Performance. We recommend:
Cooking 3.0

And
Hot Lingerie 7.7
.
Good luck Babe!
Tech Support

 
 
Sean Gillard
Lending Manager
Financial Services
Crosbie Warren Sinclair
Posted at 4:32pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
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Added: Saturday, December 24, 2011 5:27am
Added: Friday, October 21, 2011 6:26pm
Added: Friday, December 24, 2010 2:39am

Yr Just AWESOME
Added: Monday, December 20, 2010 3:26pm
Added: Sunday, December 19, 2010 1:40am
your one hot sexy lady mrs rory is one lucky man xx
Added: Saturday, May 29, 2010 1:10am
Added: Friday, April 2, 2010 9:14am
 HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Added: Thursday, October 22, 2009 11:34pm
Just wanted to say Happy Birthday
Added: Thursday, October 22, 2009 12:47pm
 Happy Birthday rory or mac, not sure which one of you it is.  Anyway we hope you have a great one and hope to see you in trivia again.

4nik n rose

Added: Thursday, October 22, 2009 9:42am
Hi!!! Great Blog!!!!
Added: Saturday, October 10, 2009 9:25am
Just wanted to say hi and miss u guys hope all is well big hugs and kisses to u both....Mac take him out back and handcuff him to the clothes line lol
Added: Friday, August 28, 2009 6:55am
thank you for the tickle,love to chat more......
Added: Monday, August 17, 2009 11:41pm
wow,, great clevage,,
Added: Friday, April 3, 2009 7:53am

WOW

so sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy !

Added: Friday, November 7, 2008 8:58am
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