urbuttormine
Male, 61   United States
Male
Decatur
Alabama, USA
3,107 mi from you
61
Married/Attached
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5' 11"
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A discreet relationship, Casual sex, BDSM, A long term relationship, Spanking
Men, Women, Couples
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Mature spanker (and occasional switch) seeks bottoms to spank
Men seeking spanking
UPDATE:

For those of you who didn't bother to read the entire profile before…

I've always been open and up-front about my marital status. Yes, I'm married. Yes, my wife is aware of my activities here — and she approves; in fact, it was her idea that I continue pursuing my interests here (the "why" is our business) .

For those who insist on criticizing and passing judgment on others…kindly direct your attention to the next profile. We are perfectly comfortable with our decisions and choices — and frankly don't care what you think.

…and now back to the profile.

Lifelong devotee of spanking, paddling, and the like. Not necessarily seeking actual sexual contact (though I won't rule it out, either)—just spanking may be enough for both of us (?). It can be a good, old-fashioned bare-bottom spanking by hand (or with various implements — if we both agree), or something "heavier", if you'd like (if more extreme D/s scenes are more your style, that's fine, too). Will consider pretty much any scenario or flavor, whether you want to be genuinely punished as a naughty girl, prefer spanking as erotic foreplay, or just like the glow produced by having your bottom warmed. All limits and boundaries respected. No pressure, no commitments; just safe, sane, consensual, mutually-agreed play.

I'm by far most often the Top (about 90% of the time), but do occasionally switch.

I'm also amenable to play with select couples and male partners (I'm somewhat "bi-friendly" — to a point, anyway. Depends on what you're seeking. If circumstances seem right, I may allow another man to service me orally, or might even do him anally — though he shouldn't automatically expect either favor to be returned. ;) ) Again, however, I view actual sexual contact as secondary; it's fine — if everything feels right. Not always a necessity, though. In any event, most prospective male playmates would be considered only as half of a participating M/F couple — not for a one-on-one session. (Okay. So, I might be just a little curious, after all—under the right circumstances, and with the right playmate. To some degree, anyway.) ;)

I'm vas safe, D&D-free, clean, and shaved in the right places. I prefer that my partners also be shaved, but it's not a deal-breaker if you're more the "natural" type. I view the safe-sex and personal hygiene issues as the most important considerations in this area.

Though I don't rule out one-night stands, I'm more interested in having a smaller network of compatible partners to engage in occasional encounters than in amassing a lengthy track record; promiscuity really isn't my style. Besides…it usually takes a few meetings to grow comfortable with a partner before things start to really sizzle.

I travel extensively throughout the midwest and southeastern US, and frequently to WI, MN, TN, TX, NM, AZ, CA, and nearby areas. I'm generally more flexible time-wise when I'm closer to home. Usually can be found on Y! to arrange meetings.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but…occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

What are your thoughts on anal sex?
Intense pleasure, and I love it — but, not all the time. Anal play is good, though — anytime! Fingers, toys, and tongues are always welcome. ;-)

I'm almost always Top when it comes to anal (though as a bottom I've occasionally had women do me with a strap-on), and enjoy it immensely — when the time is right.

What bondage type gear do you enjoy using during sex play?
Though I've used a wide variety of paddles, whips, slappers, canes, crops, and the like (and had them used on me, as well) in the past — and still do, at times — I'm mostly into simple bare-bottom OTK spanking, these days…usually with just the bare hand or a lightweight ping-pong paddle. I do, of course, accommodate my partners' desires for rougher play or need for genuine punishment/discipline or special feel of a specific implement, employing a variety of these (e.g., paddle, hairbrush, ruler, etc.) when appropriate.

Is it important to fulfill your fantasies?
Sure improves one's morale. ;-)

What role-playing scenes do you fantasize about?
I've never been much for role-playing, as a rule; I generally accommodate partners' wishes in this area, though (and actually do enjoy some roles). Just tell me whatcha want.

What types of sexual activities are OFF LIMITS to you?
No kids, blood, needles, bodily wastes, or anything that causes permanent marking.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but…occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
Nuh-uh. That's for face-to-face discussion.

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Voyeurism, Fisting

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.
Mature spanker (and occasional switch) seeks bottoms to spank
Men Seeking Women
UPDATE:

For those of you who didn't bother to read the entire profile before…

I've always been open and up-front about my marital status. Yes, I'm married. Yes, my wife is aware of my activities here — and she approves; in fact, it was her idea that I continue pursuing my interests here (the "why" is our business) .

For those who insist on criticizing and passing judgment on others…kindly direct your attention to the next profile. We are perfectly comfortable with our decisions and choices — and frankly don't care what you think.

…and now back to the profile.

Lifelong devotee of spanking, paddling, and the like. Not necessarily seeking actual sexual contact (though I won't rule it out, either)—just spanking may be enough for both of us (?). It can be a good, old-fashioned bare-bottom spanking by hand (or with various implements — if we both agree), or something "heavier", if you'd like (if more extreme D/s scenes are more your style, that's fine, too). Will consider pretty much any scenario or flavor, whether you want to be genuinely punished as a naughty girl, prefer spanking as erotic foreplay, or just like the glow produced by having your bottom warmed. All limits and boundaries respected. No pressure, no commitments; just safe, sane, consensual, mutually-agreed play.

I'm by far most often the Top (about 90% of the time), but do occasionally switch.

I'm also amenable to play with select couples and male partners (I'm somewhat "bi-friendly" — to a point, anyway. Depends on what you're seeking. If circumstances seem right, I may allow another man to service me orally, or might even do him anally — though he shouldn't automatically expect either favor to be returned. ;) ) Again, however, I view actual sexual contact as secondary; it's fine — if everything feels right. Not always a necessity, though. In any event, most prospective male playmates would be considered only as half of a participating M/F couple — not for a one-on-one session. (Okay. So, I might be just a little curious, after all—under the right circumstances, and with the right playmate. To some degree, anyway.) ;)

I'm vas safe, D&D-free, clean, and shaved in the right places. I prefer that my partners also be shaved, but it's not a deal-breaker if you're more the "natural" type. I view the safe-sex and personal hygiene issues as the most important considerations in this area.

Though I don't rule out one-night stands, I'm more interested in having a smaller network of compatible partners to engage in occasional encounters than in amassing a lengthy track record; promiscuity really isn't my style. Besides…it usually takes a few meetings to grow comfortable with a partner before things start to really sizzle.

I travel extensively throughout the midwest and southeastern US, and frequently to WI, MN, TN, TX, NM, AZ, CA, and nearby areas. I'm generally more flexible time-wise when I'm closer to home. Usually can be found on Y! to arrange meetings.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but…occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

What are your thoughts on anal sex?
Intense pleasure, and I love it — but, not all the time. Anal play is good, though — anytime! Fingers, toys, and tongues are always welcome. ;-)

I'm almost always Top when it comes to anal (though as a bottom I've occasionally had women do me with a strap-on), and enjoy it immensely — when the time is right.

What bondage type gear do you enjoy using during sex play?
Though I've used a wide variety of paddles, whips, slappers, canes, crops, and the like (and had them used on me, as well) in the past — and still do, at times — I'm mostly into simple bare-bottom OTK spanking, these days…usually with just the bare hand or a lightweight ping-pong paddle. I do, of course, accommodate my partners' desires for rougher play or need for genuine punishment/discipline or special feel of a specific implement, employing a variety of these (e.g., paddle, hairbrush, ruler, etc.) when appropriate.

Is it important to fulfill your fantasies?
Sure improves one's morale. ;-)

What role-playing scenes do you fantasize about?
I've never been much for role-playing, as a rule; I generally accommodate partners' wishes in this area, though (and actually do enjoy some roles). Just tell me whatcha want.

What types of sexual activities are OFF LIMITS to you?
No kids, blood, needles, bodily wastes, or anything that causes permanent marking.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but…occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
Nuh-uh. That's for face-to-face discussion.

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Voyeurism, Fisting

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.
Mature spanker (and occasional switch) seeks bottoms to spank
Men seeking couples
UPDATE:

For those of you who didn't bother to read the entire profile before.

I've always been open and up-front about my marital status. Yes, I'm married. Yes, my wife is aware of my activities here - and she approves; in fact, it was her idea that I continue pursuing my interests here (the "why" is our business) .

For those who insist on criticizing and passing judgment on others.kindly direct your attention to the next profile. We are perfectly comfortable with our decisions and choices - and frankly don't care what you think.

.and now back to the profile.

Lifelong devotee of spanking, paddling, and the like. Not necessarily seeking actual sexual contact (though I won't rule it out, either)-just spanking may be enough for both of us (?). It can be a good, old-fashioned bare-bottom spanking by hand (or with various implements - if we both agree), or something "heavier", if you'd like (if more extreme D/s scenes are more your style, that's fine, too). Will consider pretty much any scenario or flavor, whether you want to be genuinely punished as a naughty girl, prefer spanking as erotic foreplay, or just like the glow produced by having your bottom warmed. All limits and boundaries respected. No pressure, no commitments; just safe, sane, consensual, mutually-agreed play.

I'm by far most often the Top (about 90% of the time), but do occasionally switch.

I'm also amenable to play with select couples and male partners (I'm somewhat "bi-friendly" - to a point, anyway. Depends on what you're seeking. If circumstances seem right, I may allow another man to service me orally, or might even do him anally - though he shouldn't automatically expect either favor to be returned. ;) ) Again, however, I view actual sexual contact as secondary; it's fine - if everything feels right. Not always a necessity, though. In any event, most prospective male playmates would be considered only as half of a participating M/F couple - not for a one-on-one session. (Okay. So, I might be just a little curious, after all-under the right circumstances, and with the right playmate. To some degree, anyway.) ;)

I'm vas-safe, D&D-free, clean, and shaved in the right places. I prefer that my partners also be shaved, but it's not a deal-breaker if you're more the "natural" type. I view the safe-sex and personal hygiene issues as the most important considerations in this area.

Though I don't rule out one-night stands, I'm more interested in having a smaller network of compatible partners to engage in occasional encounters than in amassing a lengthy track record; promiscuity really isn't my style. Besides.it usually takes a few meetings to grow comfortable with a partner before things start to really sizzle.

I travel extensively throughout the midwest and southeastern US, and frequently to WI, MN, TN, TX, NM, AZ, CA, and nearby areas. I'm generally more flexible time-wise when I'm closer to home.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but.occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

What are your thoughts on anal sex?
Intense pleasure, and I love it - but, not all the time. Anal play is good, though - anytime! Fingers, toys, and tongues are always welcome. ;-)

I'm almost always Top when it comes to anal (though as a bottom I've occasionally had women do me with a strap-on), and enjoy it immensely - when the time is right.

What bondage type gear do you enjoy using during sex play?
Though I've used a wide variety of paddles, whips, slappers, canes, crops, and the like (and had them used on me, as well) in the past - and still do, at times - I'm mostly into simple bare-bottom OTK spanking, these days.usually with just the bare hand or a lightweight ping-pong paddle. I do, of course, accommodate my partners' desires for rougher play or need for genuine punishment/discipline or special feel of a specific implement, employing a variety of these (e.g., paddle, hairbrush, ruler, etc.) when appropriate.

Is it important to fulfill your fantasies?
Sure improves one's morale. ;-)

What role-playing scenes do you fantasize about?
I've never been much for role-playing, as a rule; I generally accommodate partners' wishes in this area, though (and actually do enjoy some roles). Just tell me whatcha want.

What types of sexual activities are OFF LIMITS to you?
No kids, blood, needles, bodily wastes, or anything that causes permanent marking.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but.occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
Nuh-uh. That's for face-to-face discussion.

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Voyeurism, Fisting

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.
Mature spanker (and occasional switch) seeks bottoms to spank
Men seeking BDSM
UPDATE:

For those of you who didn't bother to read the entire profile before.

I've always been open and up-front about my marital status. Yes, I'm married. Yes, my wife is aware of my activities here - and she approves; in fact, it was her idea that I continue pursuing my interests here (the "why" is our business) .

For those who insist on criticizing and passing judgment on others.kindly direct your attention to the next profile. We are perfectly comfortable with our decisions and choices - and frankly don't care what you think.

.and now back to the profile.

Lifelong devotee of spanking, paddling, and the like. Not necessarily seeking actual sexual contact (though I won't rule it out, either)-just spanking may be enough for both of us (?). It can be a good, old-fashioned bare-bottom spanking by hand (or with various implements - if we both agree), or something "heavier", if you'd like (if more extreme D/s scenes are more your style, that's fine, too). Will consider pretty much any scenario or flavor, whether you want to be genuinely punished as a naughty girl, prefer spanking as erotic foreplay, or just like the glow produced by having your bottom warmed. All limits and boundaries respected. No pressure, no commitments; just safe, sane, consensual, mutually-agreed play.

I'm by far most often the Top (about 90% of the time), but do occasionally switch.

I'm also amenable to play with select couples and male partners (I'm somewhat "bi-friendly" - to a point, anyway. Depends on what you're seeking. If circumstances seem right, I may allow another man to service me orally, or might even do him anally - though he shouldn't automatically expect either favor to be returned. ;) ) Again, however, I view actual sexual contact as secondary; it's fine - if everything feels right. Not always a necessity, though. In any event, most prospective male playmates would be considered only as half of a participating M/F couple - not for a one-on-one session. (Okay. So, I might be just a little curious, after all-under the right circumstances, and with the right playmate. To some degree, anyway.) ;)

I'm vas-safe, D&D-free, clean, and shaved in the right places. I prefer that my partners also be shaved, but it's not a deal-breaker if you're more the "natural" type. I view the safe-sex and personal hygiene issues as the most important considerations in this area.

Though I don't rule out one-night stands, I'm more interested in having a smaller network of compatible partners to engage in occasional encounters than in amassing a lengthy track record; promiscuity really isn't my style. Besides.it usually takes a few meetings to grow comfortable with a partner before things start to really sizzle.

I travel extensively throughout the midwest and southeastern US, and frequently to WI, MN, TN, TX, NM, AZ, CA, and nearby areas. I'm generally more flexible time-wise when I'm closer to home.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but.occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

What are your thoughts on anal sex?
Intense pleasure, and I love it - but, not all the time. Anal play is good, though - anytime! Fingers, toys, and tongues are always welcome. ;-)

I'm almost always Top when it comes to anal (though as a bottom I've occasionally had women do me with a strap-on), and enjoy it immensely - when the time is right.

What bondage type gear do you enjoy using during sex play?
Though I've used a wide variety of paddles, whips, slappers, canes, crops, and the like (and had them used on me, as well) in the past - and still do, at times - I'm mostly into simple bare-bottom OTK spanking, these days.usually with just the bare hand or a lightweight ping-pong paddle. I do, of course, accommodate my partners' desires for rougher play or need for genuine punishment/discipline or special feel of a specific implement, employing a variety of these (e.g., paddle, hairbrush, ruler, etc.) when appropriate.

Is it important to fulfill your fantasies?
Sure improves one's morale. ;-)

What role-playing scenes do you fantasize about?
I've never been much for role-playing, as a rule; I generally accommodate partners' wishes in this area, though (and actually do enjoy some roles). Just tell me whatcha want.

What types of sexual activities are OFF LIMITS to you?
No kids, blood, needles, bodily wastes, or anything that causes permanent marking.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but.occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
Nuh-uh. That's for face-to-face discussion.

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Voyeurism, Fisting

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.
Mature spanker (and occasional switch) seeks bottoms to spank
Men seeking men
UPDATE:

For those of you who didn't bother to read the entire profile before.

I've always been open and up-front about my marital status. Yes, I'm married. Yes, my wife is aware of my activities here - and she approves; in fact, it was her idea that I continue pursuing my interests here (the "why" is our business) .

For those who insist on criticizing and passing judgment on others.kindly direct your attention to the next profile. We are perfectly comfortable with our decisions and choices - and frankly don't care what you think.

.and now back to the profile.

Lifelong devotee of spanking, paddling, and the like. Not necessarily seeking actual sexual contact (though I won't rule it out, either)-just spanking may be enough for both of us (?). It can be a good, old-fashioned bare-bottom spanking by hand (or with various implements - if we both agree), or something "heavier", if you'd like (if more extreme D/s scenes are more your style, that's fine, too). Will consider pretty much any scenario or flavor, whether you want to be genuinely punished as a naughty girl, prefer spanking as erotic foreplay, or just like the glow produced by having your bottom warmed. All limits and boundaries respected. No pressure, no commitments; just safe, sane, consensual, mutually-agreed play.

I'm by far most often the Top (about 90% of the time), but do occasionally switch.

I'm also amenable to play with select couples and male partners (I'm somewhat "bi-friendly" - to a point, anyway. Depends on what you're seeking. If circumstances seem right, I may allow another man to service me orally, or might even do him anally - though he shouldn't automatically expect either favor to be returned. ;) ) Again, however, I view actual sexual contact as secondary; it's fine - if everything feels right. Not always a necessity, though. In any event, most prospective male playmates would be considered only as half of a participating M/F couple - not for a one-on-one session. (Okay. So, I might be just a little curious, after all-under the right circumstances, and with the right playmate. To some degree, anyway.) ;)

I'm vas-safe, D&D-free, clean, and shaved in the right places. I prefer that my partners also be shaved, but it's not a deal-breaker if you're more the "natural" type. I view the safe-sex and personal hygiene issues as the most important considerations in this area.

Though I don't rule out one-night stands, I'm more interested in having a smaller network of compatible partners to engage in occasional encounters than in amassing a lengthy track record; promiscuity really isn't my style. Besides.it usually takes a few meetings to grow comfortable with a partner before things start to really sizzle.

I travel extensively throughout the midwest and southeastern US, and frequently to WI, MN, TN, TX, NM, AZ, CA, and nearby areas. I'm generally more flexible time-wise when I'm closer to home.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but.occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

What are your thoughts on anal sex?
Intense pleasure, and I love it - but, not all the time. Anal play is good, though - anytime! Fingers, toys, and tongues are always welcome. ;-)

I'm almost always Top when it comes to anal (though as a bottom I've occasionally had women do me with a strap-on), and enjoy it immensely - when the time is right.

What bondage type gear do you enjoy using during sex play?
Though I've used a wide variety of paddles, whips, slappers, canes, crops, and the like (and had them used on me, as well) in the past - and still do, at times - I'm mostly into simple bare-bottom OTK spanking, these days.usually with just the bare hand or a lightweight ping-pong paddle. I do, of course, accommodate my partners' desires for rougher play or need for genuine punishment/discipline or special feel of a specific implement, employing a variety of these (e.g., paddle, hairbrush, ruler, etc.) when appropriate.

Is it important to fulfill your fantasies?
Sure improves one's morale. ;-)

What role-playing scenes do you fantasize about?
I've never been much for role-playing, as a rule; I generally accommodate partners' wishes in this area, though (and actually do enjoy some roles). Just tell me whatcha want.

What types of sexual activities are OFF LIMITS to you?
No kids, blood, needles, bodily wastes, or anything that causes permanent marking.

My Ideal Person:
Seeking taut, firm, spankable female bottoms of all ages. I'm usually Top, but.occasionally do switch/role-reversal to bottom with the right partner(s). Will consider select couples and male partners, as well (though I'm not likely to switch with other males).

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
Nuh-uh. That's for face-to-face discussion.

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Spanking, Role Playing, Threesomes, Voyeurism, Fisting

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.
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Just Another Cubbyhole in the Blogosphere
My thoughts, meanderings, rants, and (occasionally) advice.
This blog is currently rated 4.5 out of 5
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Erotic Spanking Without Sex???!!!
Friday, February 27, 2009

Okay. Just thought I'd pass this one along. The irony may amuse some.

I received a message from a young lady on an adult dating/meeting/matchmaking site. It seems she's a budding submissive with a growing interest in BDSM, and had fairly recently struck-up a relationship with a man she characterizes as her Dom; unfortunately, said Dom is currently away for an extended period, and she relates her "need and craving for a hard spanking." She went on to inquire as to whether it'd possible to have this need fulfilled without any sexual contact. (Yeah, I know; there are about eight zillion willing volunteers eager to altruistically help out this poor damsel in distress — right?)

Those of us a bit more gray of hair and long of tooth who've been involved with this sort of activity for a couple decades or more can surely recall how things used to be — when the very mention of sex in conjunction with spanking would typically evoke a reaction somewhere between a blank look and recoiling in horror. The most commonly-held view seemed to be that any sexual gratification thus derived immediately marked one as a pervert, warped beyond measure, a secret fetish to be carefully guarded (and meeting anyone of a similar persuasion was nearly impossible; suggesting such a thing to one's date, for example— …well, let's just say that the odds were that the date ended right there — and it'd be the last date). After all, how could there be anything pleasurable about spanking — and especially about being spanked? (Remember that even then the accepted role for spanking was one of disciplining recalcitrant children.)

Times change. Now it's commonplace to encounter spanking references in televised sitcoms, on news programs and talk shows, and even in casual conversation — and it's most often viewed as light-hearted play or a form of foreplay (or in a strict BDSM-orientation, for the more hard-core), and it's gained a degree of acceptance approaching mainstream.…while spanking one's child now often carries with it the risk of going to jail (in some places).

And, yes; while many indulge in spanking as a prelude to sex, there really are those who simply enjoy being spanked (or spanking someone) without any overt sexual activity attached.

The irony, of course, is that we've gone (in a relatively brief period of time) from wondering how spanking could possibly be associated with sex to wondering whether it's possible to not have it associated with sex.

Posted at 5:50am (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
The Source of That Yearning and How to Handle It
Thursday, February 26, 2009

A correspondent recently posed the following:



>> My wife has been talking to me for some time now about her desire for me to spank her. I have read everything she has given me but don't understand why she wants me to cause her pain. I was raised knowing that it is NEVER ok to cause someone physical pain, especially ladies.

I went along with my wife's wishes and put her over my knee the other night and spanked her. I HATED IT!! She says it gives her pleasure but I don't understand that. She wants me to continue spanking her for her wrong doings but I don't think I can. She says she needs the release that a hard spanking would give her. Wants me to spank her and make her cry. I told her I could make her bawl her eyes out by just saying a few words to her, why do I have to spank her?

I don't think this is natural, and believe that no more than 1% of the population is into spanking thier <sic> spouses. I challenge you to try to convince me otherwise. <<



…to which I responded thusly:




The concerns you raise are quite common. I'd like to address them.

You say that you were taught from childhood that it is "…NEVER ok to cause someone physical pain, especially ladies…". I suspect that the intent behind such teachings was to instill the value that violence against others is actually the forbidden act in question — as opposed to the causing of pain. Moreover, such behavior is presumed to be unwanted and unwarranted, and therefore similarly unacceptable; my guess is that few (if any) parents) ever addressed the concept of consensual spanking!

Several months ago, the following excerpted post appeared in a forum:


>> For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by the subject of spanking and excited by the idea of actually being taken over a woman's knee for punishment. My parents didn't spank and I have no recollections of any other experience that may have caused this obsession.

I do, however, have a theory or two about the source of my yearnings. First, I was brought up in a conservative Catholic home. Sex was a forbidden thing when I was a child and I wonder if subconsciously I haven't developed a need to associate sex with punishment. In a way it's like I give myself permission to enjoy pleasure only after I've suffered some pain and humiliation.

I hold a responsible job as a Senior manager in a large corporation and I'm constantly asked to make decisions on important issues. I think it's also possible that the chance to be passive and submit to punishment springs from a desire to be forgiven for some of those decisions.

These explanations are, to some degree, persuasive, but I doubt that they fully explain a life-long desire. I wonder if anyone else has similar feelings? <<


…to which I posted the following reply:

>> Thank-you for the insightful post; you've obviously devoted a great deal of time, energy, and thought to your interest.

As I'm sure you're well aware, the origins you've suggested (among countless others) are commonly advanced by way of explanation — by clinicians and devotees alike. As to the validity of such theories, —…who knows? Perhaps some of us simply have a predilection toward this genre. Maybe it is a result of early memories and experiences. Maybe it's the product of an association with an early sexual response. Perhaps it's indicative of other interests. Maybe —…

Maybe it's a combination of all the above — or totally unrelated to any of it.

I think that for each of us, there are unique individual explanations for our interests. While it's interesting to investigate their roots, it can also become a frustrating endeavor — and (sometimes) the source of much anxiety.

The real question is: Does it matter?

It's part of what makes you You. It probably deserves no more analysis than a sweet tooth or a preference for a particular type of music.

It reaches you. That's all that really matters — isn't it? Even Freud once remarked that "Sometimes, a cigar is simply a cigar." No deep, hidden meanings. No arcane explanations.

Personally, I'd prefer to emphasize the "okay-ness" of one's interests…to not become self-condemning about it…to stop agonizing over what other traits it might suggest…to ultimately accept that — whatever its origin — it's a part of us. Accept it as such. Become comfortable with the fascination it holds for us.

Indulge it.

And stop worrying about it. <<


The point(s) I'm attempting to make here:

There may — or may not — be a clear, definitive source of one's attraction to this genre (or any other particular interest, for that matter); in the final analysis, it doesn't really matter, does it? The fact that the interest is there remains the salient point — and, far from going away if one ignores it, there's a tendency for the desire to become stronger. Whether the basic desire is for emotional release, physical pain, endorphin rushes, psychological stimulation via submission, or a host of other driving influences, the vehicle is the same — and the yearning remains.

You're not actually being asked to go against all that you've been taught; in truth, this is a whole 'nuther ball game, my friend — and one I'd wager your parents never told you about!

What you see as "unnatural" is clearly of tremendous import to your wife. Let me ask you this: Suppose your wife has a strong desire for cunnilingus, but you feel that oral sex is also "unnatural" (many still do, after all)…however, you've also astutely noted that you have to practically peel her down from the ceiling every time you accede to her wishes — and her increased desire produces returns to you in the form of her greatly enhanced sexual performance. Would you be a bit more inclined to do as she wishes — especially knowing what it will do to improve your relationship? Besides…what do you have to lose by giving her what she so desperately wants?

Your wife, like so many others, has surely done her share of soul-searching on this issue; what she no doubt needs at this juncture is your love…and support…and understanding…and acceptance.

Coincidentally, I only yesterday posted a lengthy message addressing the communication between partners in this area; you might want to peruse the preceding blog entry, which refers to many of the subjects I believe you and your wife need to discuss. You'll note that the issues of pleasure and emotional release are mentioned — along with many others. I'll caution you that this post contains no hard-and-fast answers for you; its sole purpose was to bring to light the myriad issues that typically accompany one's venture into this genre — and how to address them.

Well, this became far more lengthy than I'd intended; I hope I haven't bored anyone.

I may not have "convinced" you, but I trust that I've at least given you a little to think about. The best of luck to you and your wife — whatever course you choose.

Posted at 2:02pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
Spanking and BDSM: Getting What You Want
Thursday, February 26, 2009

We're all familiar, I'm sure (and some of us are all too familiar!) with the frustration often prevalent in attempting to attain what we want in this special genre (spanking, discipline, and the like — for those of you who've strayed into uncharted territory). We've all heard countless queries about "How do I get my husband to—…" and "Why won't she let me—…" and …well, we all know the drill — right?

Perhaps it'd be helpful for newcomers (and the more-bashful veterans) to examine a few how's and why's.

For example, let's look at the plight of the would-be spankophile and some of the difficulties he/she might face in getting to that cherished perch over the partner's knee (or persuading said partner to assume said position) — and bear in mind that the goal is to convey to one's mate sufficient reason to accede to specific desires.

Why do you want it?


Why do you seek to be spanked — or to spank your mate, as the case may be?

Is it for punishment? Discipline? Do you need to have someone "riding herd" over you owing to a lack of self-discipline? Do you need that motivation? Or do you feel guilty about having let your mate down, and need to have your conscience soothed? Do you need to have someone else "in control"? Or are you the dominant-type who needs to have control? Do you feel the need to enforce rules? Do you need this sort of thing as an affirmation of your place as Ruler of the Household? Do you feel that it somehow improves the domestic situation? Do you really want discipline — or just like to have your butt walloped? Are you truly concerned about the household — or simply want the excuse to take a hairbrush to her bottom?

Or is this a purely erotic venture? Do you like to submit, to experience those "at-your-mercy" feelings? Do you like to play the Misbehaving Wife or Naughty Little Girl — or perhaps The Recalcitrant Schoolboy? Or is it simply the physical responses accompanying the sting of a well-spanked posterior that fuel your desire? Or is it merely the idea of doing something "kinky" or "taboo"? Are you a wife wanting more of the "Me Tarzan, you Jane" side of your husband's persona to emerge? Or are you a man seeking to vent some of that Cave-man testosterone? Or maybe you simply like to have a delectable female bottom turned-up and placed at your disposal. Perhaps you're a woman who likes to feel a man's vulnerability as he presents his buns for your pleasure? Does that reddening ass squirming over your lap turn you on? Maybe you just like that warm feeling as your bottom turns to a cherry color.

Is pain your goal? How severe do you like it? Do you want to bear the marks of the experience for several days afterward, reminding you of the interlude? Do you just want that "stingy" feeling — or do you crave the resounding CRAAAAACK! of a paddle that takes your breath away? Do you "get-off" by causing such discomfort? Do you want to be taken to your limits of endurance — or take someone else there?

What does it do for you? Is it a massive turn-on? Does it provide an emotional release? Does it make you feel somehow closer to your mate…increase intimacy? Does it make you feel more of a man (or woman) ?

These are questions one might face in broaching the subject for the first time; the prospective recipient (or provider) would be well-advised to have answers at the ready.

Talking about it


Have you ever raised the subject — or are you a bit squeamish about it? Why?

Well…if you haven't, then it's probably because you (a) don't quite know how to bring it up, (b) are worried about his/her likely reaction, or (c) because you feel like an idiot even thinking about this stuff — let alone actually talking about it; embarrassment is not at all unusual — particularly among newcomers.

To begin with, how's your relationship with your partner? Do you generally feel secure in discussing "forbidden" topics? Does he/she typically cringe when sex is an issue? Are your stated concerns or desires usually met with an open mind? Are the two of you generally adventurous in the sexual realm?

Has the subject ever come up before? Have there been any little hints suggesting receptiveness (or the lack thereof) ? Does he/she ever frequent Web sites that might suggest an interest or willingness? Have you ever displayed an interest?

And what will your mate's reaction be? Will she consider this "foolish" or "childish"? Will he be concerned about hurting you (or being hurt) ? Will she find the entire idea embarrassing? Will he view it as "perverted" or "kinky"?

So many (frequently contradictory) suggestions are offered in this area…"Use the direct approach"…"Be subtle"…"Write him a letter"…"Leave a spanking Web site on the monitor for her to 'accidentally' see"…"Show him this Web site"…"Leave a dog-eared book where he's sure to see it"…"Schedule a date/conference with her"…

And so forth, ad infinitum.

Ultimately, how you choose to go about this is your decision. By all means, listen to all that proffered advice — then, go with your gut. Only you know your partner well enough to hazard a guess as to his/her reaction, receptiveness, etc. Just keep in mind that at some point, sooner or later, a candid discussion (probably more than one, in fact) will be necessary; be prepared to present your thoughts in a fashion most likely to ensure acceptance. Anticipate the questions and concerns he/she might have — and as mentioned above, have your answers at the ready. Remind him that he's not going to seriously hurt you, and that you're not going to summon the police. Help her overcome her embarrassment by allaying her concerns over the "childish" nature of the endeavor. Assure him that this isn't necessarily a commentary on the basic nature of your relationship, or that you don't have a desire to degrade her. Tell him of your submissive nature. Remind her that many men sometimes feel the need for "role-reversal", or to give-up control.

Be frank and forthright; honesty really is usually the best policy.

Doing the Deed


Okay. So you've had your heart-to-heart, and you're ready for action.

A word of advice here: If you had to do some cajoling or pleading to get your partner to embark on this little journey, introducing him/her to your world by brandishing an eight-foot bullwhip probably is not the wisest course. Since you're trying to build your mate's desire to be spanked (or to spank you) by showing how much fun it can be, a gradual breaking-in is more likely to be successful. Zero-to-Mach 2-in-10 seconds isn't an auspicious 'how-do-you-do?' . Similarly, when going over your partner's knee for the first time, expect a bit of tentativeness; odds are that he/she is more than a little apprehensive about hurting you already. Allow the intensity to build gradually at first, until you're both comfortable with how things are progressing. Proceed with caution. Remember that your partner may not share your predilection for such goings-on, and will likely require a period of adjustment. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will your spanking relationship be. Be encouraging, and avoid performance anxiety-producing criticism. Positive reinforcement is crucial. Let him/her know how much this is doing for you — especially afterward, when second thoughts may emerge.

Aftermath

Be reasonable in your expectations for continued activities; you could kill the desire by wanting too much, too soon. Let your partner get comfortable with the idea before you start hankering for a repeat performance; unless you manage to tap a hitherto unknown source of desire, he/she probably won't much care for being suddenly besieged with increasing demands for encores.

If, on the other hand, it turns out to be a complimentary desire, then by all means seize the day; it's not at all unusual for a newfound source of interest to fire the need for more.

I hope this proves beneficial to someone (I hate like Hell to think I did all this typing for nothing!) . Comments are welcome, of course — as are further suggestions.

Posted at 1:45pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
Who IS this guy (and why does he want to spank me??!!)
Thursday, February 26, 2009

Well, I suppose it's time that I finally put something in here (after having the account for a while). It seems that a couple dozen people have sent me messages inviting me to be somehow connected with them.

A little about me. I've been involved with spanking, paddling, cropping, caning, strapping—…yeah, pretty much all that stuff. For a long time. My own passion for this genre dates back to my teen-aged years (strictly as a spanker), and I was just out of my teens when I first encountered a woman who actually liked and wanted to be spanked (now, that was an eye-opener). It was a short time later that I first got spanked (as an adult), and decided that could be fun, too — though I've always preferred then and now to be the one doing the spanking.

I've been a party to domestic discipline arrangements, 24/7 BDSM lifestyle arrangements, erotic spanking, disciplinary spanking, and what have you. I've been over the years predominantly a "Dom" or "Top", though I also enjoy the occasional role-reversal. I've also hosted a couple online forums dedicated mainly to domestic discipline and erotic spanking. I'll probably be posting some excerpts from discussions conducted therein.

I enjoy discussing all the above subjects with like-minded adults, be they "Top", "Dom", "Domme", "sub", "bottom" or however they choose to identify their roles. Over the years, I've had quite a few novices and newcomers come to me seeking information and advice; some of the entries here will be geared for those folks, while others will be posed as questions intended to evoke comments — so, feel free to do so. Oh, and on occasion I shall simply rant. Might as well. My blog — right?

And, I suppose I'll throw in an occasional photo or two of a bottom that I've reddened. Or one that I ran across somewhere. Hell, I might even post a pic of my own butt (though at my age it's not all that much to look at — spanked or otherwise).

I should also point out that my strongest interest is in simple OTK spanking, bare hand on bare bottom. I've also rediscovered the merits of ping-pong paddles, and use them often. Somewhat less frequently, applying a larger paddle to a bent-over bottom is nice, too. (And, yes; I'm occasionally on the receiving end, too — with OTK hand-spanking again being preferred.) And it's still fun to on occasion dust-off the whips and chains and engage in a bit more extreme stuff.

Posted at 1:06pm (MST) | No Comments (0) | Add Comment | Report Post
naughty naughty!
Added: Friday, May 14, 2010 4:10pm

I have been bad to..i think i need a spanking also

Added: Monday, March 8, 2010 11:12am
I would love for you to put me across your knees for a good spanking !!
Added: Thursday, January 28, 2010 6:35am

Oh Thank you that is sweet of you

Added: Sunday, February 15, 2009 11:38pm

ooh! spank me !!!

Added: Sunday, January 18, 2009 12:56pm
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